


Let Me Help

by nataratata



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Comfort, Complete, Crushes, Depression, Disney Channel, Drunk cyrus, Drunk karaoke, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Fights, Fluff, Gay, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heart-to-Heart, High School, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Muffins, Mutual Pining, School Dances, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, Weed, Wonah, aged up so they're all in high school and its not as messy lol, ambers nickname is bambi, background ambi, background muffy, dare i say, disney owns me, gender neutral andi, i promise it gets better every chapter, its canon, its complicated, just keep reading, mostly tyrus, they're so soft, they’re all like 16 leave me alone, tj loves sad french films and sufjan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-09-07 05:30:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 38,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16848055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nataratata/pseuds/nataratata
Summary: Tj and Cyrus have been friends for a long time, but will that change after life comes crashing down and impulsive decisions catch up to them? (Angst, Ambi, love notes, slow burn, aged up so they’re all in high school, god tier ships, mental health, and like a whole bunch more ladies! Let’s get this angst.)





	1. Wait, what?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi thanks for reading this, this will be a slow burn but I think you'll enjoy the story! Follow me on tumblr @frisbee-camp

TJ and his friends Reed and Lester stood dauntingly at the end of the hall. Their height and clothes breathed power. People walking down the hall didn't dare look them in the eye.Reed, the fluffier blond, laughed with a cocked head and an air of superiority in his eye. He must have said something funny, because both Lester, the airy brunette, and TJ, the stiffer blond smiled their own ways. Lester, with a wide grin and bellowing laugh, and TJ with a grin that didn't reach his eyes.

"I wonder what they're talking about?" said Cyrus, a smaller boy, to his friends Andi and Buffy.

Andi gave a concerned furrow of their brows while Buffy scoffed and said, "Why? They're mean and bullies. Don't you dare try to fix them like you did with Amber!"

Andi looked away, their hair slightly hanging in front of their forehead, and mumbled: "I don't know what Amber has to do with this..."

"What do you mean? Amber has everything to do with this! Just because you two are a thing doesn't mean she completely left behind her mean gene. Amber and TJ are still twins you know!" Said Buffy, suddenly feeling like both of her friends were turning against her.

"Buffy, I thought you weren't mad at them anymore? TJ apologized for the gun thing, he turned them in" said Cyrus.

"Yeah? Then why is he still talking to them? They put you in danger Cyrus!" Buffy leaned against her locker and sighed heavily, Andi solemnly nodded in agreement.

"Yeah Cyrus, if he really cared about your safety he wouldn't have put you in that situation in the first place and he  _definitely_ wouldn't be talking to Rester right now," said Andi.

"Rester?" asked Cyrus. Was this a new slang word he didn't know? He thought Marty had caught him up, but these kids come up with new words every day.

Andi gave a quick chuckle, "That's what Amber and I call Reed and Lester," they leaned in and whispered "We think they're together"

"Oh don't be ridiculous" Buffy rolled her eyes. Cyrus giggled. He thought about how he had come out to Andi and Buffy quietly over facetime last month. They had become more protective than usual after finding out that TJ took him to 'play with death' as Buffy had put it. Andi had come out too, 'Guys, I don't really think I'm a girl or a boy' they had said 'I kinda just feel like Andi. Does that make sense?' It didn't at the time, but after a long facetime session and lots of google searches, they helped Andi realize that they were gender neutral. 'They,' they had smiled, 'that sounds right.'

Just then, Amber appeared next to Andi and kissed them on the cheek. "Hello artsy fartsy, I like your new hat" Andi visibly turned two shades redder and turned slightly, their handmade flower crown now in Amber's hands. They smiled at each other.

Buffy groaned and covered her eyes "UGhhhhh get a ROOM" Cyrus tapped her on the arm, "Don't be mean" he said.

"Andi, we should go, remember that thing?" said Amber. 

"That thing?" Andi tilted her head a bit, Amber shot up her eyebrows, "Oh! Yes, that thing we have to go to right now" Amber said as she pulled Andi away. They were off before saying another word, a blur of blonde hair and flowers.

Buffy rolled her eyes, Cyrus knew she was jealous but he wasn't going to say anything about it. He knew she had Marty to vent to.

"Well," Buffy said, "I should get going too, my mom is picking me up soon and I don't want to keep her waiting.

"Yea, okay" Cyrus half grinned and saw her walk down the hall past TJ, who gave her an apologetic look. He could half see the angry fire in Buffy's eyes. Cyrus walked towards his locker, only a couple down from Buffy's and a little closer to TJ. As soon as he saw Buffy step into her mom's car, TJ made his way over to Cyrus' locker. Cyrus pretended not to notice how he didn't say bye to Rester and how Rester didn't seem to care.

TJ, with his rolled-up sleeves and gelled hair, leaned against the locker next to Cyrus' and smiled at him.

"What?" Cyrus smiled.

"Nothing," TJ said.

"Buffy and Andi are still mad at you" Cyrus slowly looked up from his locker and gave a shy smile. Cyrus felt his heart pick up speed. 

"Yeah, I figured that look she just gave me wasn't one of friendship" TJ joked, letting his head rest against a locker, exposing his neck and collarbone. Cyrus swore he didn't let his eyes linger. He really didn't look.

"Um," Cyrus looked back towards his now empty locker and closed it softly, he hated the crashing sound. "You looked mean over there, it's hard to remember that you're nice now."

TJ stood up straight and frowned, "You thought I was mean?"

"It's easy to think you're mean when you hang out with Rester," Cyrus said, looking him in the eyes, the eyes he swore never made him feel butterflies.

"Rester?" TJ chuckled. Cyrus didn't laugh. He wanted TJ to explain why he was hanging out with them after everything they've been through.

"Look it's hard not being friends after such a long time, but I swear it was nothing serious. They kicked me out of the group chat." TJ slightly kicked the ground and crossed his arms, "Old habits die hard I guess, I'll stop hanging out with them."

"Tell that to Buffy"

"Maybe I will," TJ said.

"You should"

"I will"

"Promise?" Cyrus said.

"Sure underdog, promise." TJ looked particularly rigid that day, Cyrus thought it was all of the hair gel. 

"Pinky Promise?" Cyrus held out his left pinky.

TJ lovingly rolled his eyes "Yes Cyrus I pinky promise" They shook pinkys. TJ didn't understand why his stomach suddenly felt like a hurricane. He didn't understand why he lingered on the feeling of Cyrus' soft skin.

"You can't break a pinky promise. If you do, I can't guarantee your safety" Cyrus grinned. TJ wondered if he really saw Cyrus' nose turn pink or if it was his imagination.

"I won't. I promise," TJ said. Cyrus then heard his phone buzz, it was a text from his dad telling him he was outside.

Cyrus locked his locker and said, "I'm sorry TJ. I wish we could keep talking about your mortality, but I have to go. I'll text you later okay?" Cyrus walked away, looking back before heading out the front doors.

TJ stood there a moment later, the hallway was deserted, he always did seem to be the last one there. Reed and Lester had left, and so had the rest of Jefferson Middle and High School. A stupid idea came into his head, he laughed softly to himself but took out a pen and a piece of paper anyway. He wrote down, "I'm afraid of losing you" and closed his eyes before quickly slipping it into Cyrus' locker and running towards the back door. TJ bumped into a boy about his age, quickly said sorry and walked slower out the door. Jonah Beck seemed disheveled from the encounter, he thought he saw TJ put something in one of his friend's locker, but which one?


	2. Just guys being dudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations and lies. You know the drill

The next day at lunch, Andi, Buffy, Cyrus, and Jonah were laughing at cute cat videos on Buffy's phone. They had just finished their lunches. Cyrus thought it was weird that neither Amber, Marty, or TJ were around. He thought he saw Tj in the hall earlier in the day with Rester, but it could've been his imagination. He had pinky promised to not hang out with them anymore. He was a better person now, right?

"Hey Buffy," he said during an ad, "Where's Marty?" He didn't want to think about TJ too much right now, he had enough to worry about. 

"Oh, he had a science fair thing. He should be here soon though, " Buffy said as she tilted her head "Why?" The cafeteria was louder than usual today, it annoyed Cyrus. He picked at his nails. 

"Well because you two have been together like a lot recently. Did you make up?" Andi said, their flower crown a bright yellow instead of the purple they had yesterday. The friends were sitting in a corner table they'd had to wrangle from the baseball team. Although they were sitting away from most of the chaos of a public American high school, Cyrus felt watched. He had thought he had gotten over his social anxiety but apparently not.  _They're not looking at you, they're not looking at you._ He tried to convince himself. 

Buffy looked back at the video and turned up the volume and said, "Hey look! This cat is scared of a cucumber, let's talk about that!" Jonah poked at the mashed potatoes on his plate, his leg bounced.

"Buffy!" Cyrus and Andi said in unison.

" _Okay._ Okay. I'll tell you." She put her phone down "We made up okay? He came up to me during lit and said he missed me so I'm giving it another chance. I'm over that whole 'no-boyfriend' thing." She half whispered.

Cyrus and Andi smiled widely and squealed, "Yess, Muffy reunited!" 

"Hey Cyrus," said a voice behind Cyrus. Cyrus turned around slowly while Andi, Buffy, and Jonah all looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Cyrus took in a deep breath. 

Reed sat down at their table.

"Hi Reed," Cyrus said confused.

"I just want you to know that you seem really cool bro, like really chill and me and Lester and TJ were wondering if you wanted to like hang out again? You down?" Reed said with a cocked smile and a tilted head. Cyrus felt himself frown, the cafeteria felt a little more unbearable. 

"No thanks," Cyrus said, turning his attention back to his friends. He'd wasted a pinky promise on TJ, he couldn't believe it. 

"Look dude, Tj turned us in but like I still hang out with him so I'm a good guy you know? Come on we're all going to the arcade Friday. TJ would want you to come, he talks about you," Reed grinned, expecting a yes. Cyrus noted that Reed flopped his hair as he spoke, it annoyed him. Is TJ really still hanging out with them?  _I can't believe this_ , Cyrus thought,  _I thought he was better than this._

"He said no, leave him alone," Said Buffy practically fuming. She had wanted to kill him the moment Cyrus told the group chat what happened. Cyrus didn't make eye contact with Reed.

Reed half rolled his eyes and looked back at Cyrus, he said, "Bro, we want you to come-"  


"Reed?" TJ had appeared next to Andi. He looked almost as mad as Buffy.

"Hey Teej," Reed smiled.

"Don't call me that" TJ quickly added.

"Okay geez, I was just being nice and inviting your friend Cyrus to the arcade Friday, but it seems like he doesn't want to go," Reed lightly bumped shoulders with Cyrus. It was too much. The noise, Reed, TJ. Cyrus' eyes started watering, he blinked the tears away. TJ looked at him and Cyrus met his stare. Cyrus could  _feel_ Tj pity him. It made him feel pathetic. Weak. Less than. He wanted to do something but he just  _couldn't._  Cyrus looked back down at his empty milk carton.

"Go away Reed before I kick you into next week." Buffy was on her feet, standing next to TJ who was so angry he couldn't speak. 

"Whoa dudes, chill okay? I was just trying to be nice. Dang, I'll leave" Reed looked hurt for a second before ruffling Cyrus' hair and walking away. Cyrus sat there with his heart in his throat and his hair a mess. He wanted to scream and punch TJ in his dumb face. Andi was silently holding hands with Cyrus the entire time, Jonah kept poking at his mashed potatoes. Cyrus abruptly stood up and half ran towards the doors. It was too much. Too much.

"Cyrus I-" said TJ before going after him.

Cyrus tried to block out Buffy's "TJ! Stop! You'll only hurt him more!"

Cyrus didn't know where he was going, but he knew it had to be anywhere but in there. He felt like he was dying, the hallway had gotten considerably more awful, and he could  _still_ hear the cafeteria. He was practically gasping for breath as he found a tiny corner under the stairwell. He felt tears fall down his probably crimson cheeks as he caught his breath. He counted to ten and thought,   _How could I think Tj could change?_

"Cyrus?" Cyrus heard TJ call down the hallway, he could hear him running.  _Those shoes are dumb_ , Cyrus thought as he saw Tj's stupid basketball shoes.  Cyrus saw them stop in front of him, he sniffled  _God, now he knows where I am. I'm so stupid._

 _"_ Cyrus" Tj kneeled in front of Cyrus. "Cy I'm really sorry, I didn't think he'd tell you"

Cyrus hugged his legs, he played with his shoelaces and mumbled: "That doesn't make it any better, you lied to me." He sniffled again. He couldn't believe he was crying over a boy again. And his time it was a boy he didn't even have a crush on. 

"I know, I know, ugh I'm so dumb" Tj put his face in his hands and sighed. Cyrus kept playing with his shoelaces. "I really won't hang out with them anymore.  _Really."_

 _"_ You said that last time" Cyrus felt slightly overwhelmed again. He just wanted something to go well for once in his life. He just wanted things to be less complicated. 

TJ was frustrated. He didn't know how to explain to Cyrus that he was the only person he wanted to talk to anymore, that he was the only person who really understood him without judgment. That he was the reason he came to school every day, to see his poofy hair and listen to his observational jokes. He couldn't believe he had messed it up. He just didn't  _understand._ TJ groaned and rubbed his eyes with his palms. He looked at Cyrus. He looked completely disheveled, eyes watery, hair sticking up all over the place. It was like all of the light had been sucked out of him. TJ suddenly missed his smile.

Cyrus didn't understand why he gave TJ so many chances, he shouldn't have tried so hard to fix him. But isn't it easier to try to fix everyone but yourself? He always tries so hard, but he couldn't help but think no one cared about him as much as he cared about everyone else. His eyes started watering again. Not because of TJ, but because of everything else. His grades have been slipping, he can't keep up with what's cool anymore, his hair is messy, baby tater prices are increasing because of inflation, climate change is killing the earth, Reed's hair  _flops_ , and he's crying in front of TJ the jock who he should be mad at but really isn't because nothing matters and he has a biology test tomorrow. He closed his eyes.

"I pick you" 

"What?" Cyrus asked as he looked up at TJ. 

"If you ask me to pick right now. I pick you." TJ said, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. He really meant it.

"How do I know you aren't lying again?"

"Cyrus, I'm so sorry okay? I just don't like seeing you like this. I want this to stop. I can't risk losing you okay?" TJ said. Cyrus slightly nods. That's all he really needed, some sort of apology or acknowledgment of wrongdoing, or anything else that validated him. Knowing him, he would have forgiven TJ either way.

"I'll block them right now. I'll report them even. I'll report them, just please stop crying" TJ said as he gently pushed Cyrus' hair back. Cyrus let out a small chuckle and wiped his nose his sleeve.

"Fine," He said "But you still broke the sacred pinky promise. That's a federal offense." The room felt a little lighter, Tj always had a way of making him feel better. 

TJ laughed, "I'll make it up to you. How about you come to my basketball game next week?"

"And how would that benefit me in any way?" Cyrus said as he got up to dust himself off. Truth is, he went to most of Tj's basketball games anyway. But getting invited felt nice, it was as if TJ really cared about his presence. It made Cyrus feel warm inside. 

"Well you could see my awesome moves" TJ said as they walked back towards the cafeteria. Cyrus rolled his eyes while grinning and lightly bumped into TJ with his shoulder.

"I'm having a sleepover Friday. Wanna come" Cyrus said. He stopped in his tracks. Did he seriously just ask that? To TJ? When all his friend hate him again? When he just saw his mini-meltdown? 

TJ's nose slightly tinted pink, he put his hands in his hoodie, "Is anyone else coming?" he said a little quieter than before. 

"Yea duh. Buffy Andi and Jonah. Probably Amber and Marty too. Don't worry about them hating you. I'll give you good reviews" Cyrus said as he opened the cafeteria doors. TJ grinned at him, Cyrus noted that the cafeteria wasn't as loud when Tj was next to him. He didn't know what to make of that. He had just gotten over Jonah, he didn't need another hopeless crush  _especially_ on the biggest straight stereotype of Jefferson. 

"Of course I'll go. Let me just report Reed and Lester first" They smiled at each other as The ghc + Jonah and Marty watched them walk in sync together, arms touching. They reached the table and sat down together. 

"Um, when did that happen? Did I miss something?" Jonah said, finally looking up from his mashed potatoes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for reading this far, these children must be protected i love them so much. Cy is a little more sensitive than usual in my story so keep an eye out for that! Also idk where Lester is? He just never showed up lol but,,,,,,,,,,,,yea this is chapter two! Some of the formatting got messed up. There are parts that are ment to be italicized. The italics are thoughts. Thanks for reading this far!


	3. Playing Favorites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover!!!!ooooo

_I'm afraid of losing you._

Cyrus had found the note on top of his history book on Wednesday, it was Friday now and he still didn't know who wrote it. Was it Jonah? Andi? Buffy? I couldn't be, he knew their handwriting. He frowned at the note as he put it inside his folder, he had too many things to worry about today. He had a biology test next period, felt incredibly tired for no reason, and in addition to that, he had accidentally invited TJ to his sleepover tonight. 

He had even gone to TJ's basketball game yesterday. He didn't quite understand what was happening, but whenever TJ scored, Cyrus smiled widely and waved at TJ, who waved back just as enthusiastically. 

He spent the entire day chewing on his lip thinking about the sleepover tonight. He knew there was no reason to be nervous, it was just TJ, right? But, Cyrus still knew that there was something there that was different from his friendship with Andi and Buffy, even different than his friendship with Jonah. Cyrus didn't speak to anyone the entire school day, not even Buffy and Andi. He knew they'd notice his nervousness and force him to spill his guts. Because of his solitude, Cyrus spent the day thinking of everything that could go wrong tonight. What if something happens that makes TJ hate him? What if something happens that makes TJ think he's lame? What if his parents embarrass him in front of TJ? What if he scares TJ away because he's so weird?

After classes were over, he opened his locker and another note fell out. This time it said, 

_Your smile is sunshine_

Cyrus instinctively looked around, only to find kids laughing and smiling with their friends. He saw people hugging and holding hands. Most importantly, he saw friendship, love, joy,  _normal_  people who didn't feel like the world was too hard for them. 

Cyrus just wanted things to go perfectly. He walked home alone. 

"Cyrus! How was school?" said Cyrus' dad surrounded by grocery bags, his other parents were at a psychology convention for the weekend, so naturally, Todd had been left out. Being a life coach came with some downsides. 

Cyrus had a habit of turning up his happiness meter when around his parents, he knew they wanted to help, but he also didn't always want to be in therapy. He knew why he was acting differently, but he didn't want to talk about it with his parents. He hoped that at least one of his parents would notice, but so far none have. He felt a strange sense of satisfaction and disappointment. 

"It was great! I think I did really good on my bio test" He really didn't. He cried after the third question.

"That's great Cy, you're friends are coming over right? I bought some snacks for them, feel free to order pizza. I'll be out late tonight so I'm trusting you to not burn the house down" Todd let out a soft chuckle, and continued unpacking the groceries. Cyrus thought of helping, but he just couldn't seem to move at the moment.  

"Thanks, dad. I won't" Cyrus gave a small smile and headed towards his room.

"Hey Cy, is everything okay? You've been a bit spacey lately. I know it's almost fall break and everything, but just try to finish one day at a time. And you know you can talk to me or any of us when you feel a bit-" he paused "different from yourself." Todd, now finished with the groceries, stood with a cup of coffee in his hand. 

Cyrus' heart lifted a bit, maybe they did notice? "Thanks, dad," he said before going into his room. His German shepherd was laying in front of his door, he said, "Hey Nala, good to see you," before giving her a quick head pat and kiss on the nose. The dog followed him into his room and sat at the foot of his bed. Cyrus immediately began to clean his room, he knew it was clean, but he wanted it to be perfect. He needed something to be perfect. He rearranged his bookshelf, vacuumed, and made his bed. Andi and Buffy would be over in any second and he didn't want them to see him fussing over his room. They all knew the sleepover would be in the living room.

Cyrus had just finished cleaning his room when he heard the doorbell ring. He heard Andi and Buffy greeting his dad and walked out to the kitchen with Nala trailing behind him.

"Cyrus!" Andi said, "Your dad was just telling us that you're getting an award for a screenplay you wrote! Why didn't you tell us that, we're your best friends!" Andi wore a crocheted headband and bright blue overalls. Cyrus' dad looked amused, Buffy not so much.

"Sorry, I didn't think it was that important," Cyrus said.

"Hello????Not important? Are you kidding?!" Buffy said. They gave him words of encouragement and hugged him tightly. Cyrus grinned. 

"Okay guys sorry for breaking up this kodak moment, but I have to run off. I know you'll be fine, but I'm always a phone call away. Don't tell your other parents that I left you alone, but I really need to check up on this patient, who knows when I'll be back. Also, don't forget to take out Nala!" Said Todd rushing to put on his jacket and collect his things.

"We'll be fine dad, see you later." Said Cyrus, just before his dad left out the front door. The three of them waited until they heard the car turn on and leave the driveway before speaking. 

Andi spoke first, they said, "Okay so Amber will be here soon" as Buffy said, "Marty'll be here in ten minutes"

Cyrus knew that he should have told them that TJ was coming too, but he didn't really feel like dealing with the consequences. He quickly said, "okayiknowyouhatehimbuthearmeouttjisabetterpersonnowandiinvitedhim pleasedontbemad" 

Andi and Buffy both looked shocked, Buffy said, "Cyrus, please say sike"

Andi opened and closed their mouth before saying, "Okay, we'll be nice. We know you guys are friends but  _Cyrus_ how many more times will he have to break your heart before you realize that there's no saving him"

"But we saved Amber! They have the same DNA!" Cyrus suddenly felt very hot. Maybe inviting TJ was a bad idea. He looked at Buffy, who had her nose crinkled, she thought for a moment and said, "Fine, but if he makes you cry again I WILL eat him alive."

"I know," Cyrus smiled and took out his phone. 

Cyrus texted TJ:  _Hi friend, andi and buffy are cool with you coming over soooooo don't worry about that!!!!! Let le party commence!!!! 😺!!!!_

TJ responded two seconds later:  _K cool, cuz I just blocked reed and Lester i'll be over soon with amber 👍🏼_

Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus set up the snacks and moved them to the living room. They had just turned on Netflix when Buffy stood up to answer the door for Marty.

"Hey Cyrus, thanks for having me over," said Marty as he carried boxes of board games, Cyrus responded, "No problem" Just then, the doorbell rang again, Andi ran up and said, "I'll get it!" 

Soon, the living room was filled with blonds. Amber had her hair in a high ponytail that had become to object of Andi's attention, and TJ was holding a box with a bow. Tj wore a dumb flaming basketball hoodie, it was atrocious and adorable. Not adorable, but cool. It was horrible and cool. Cyrus' heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. Was breathing always that difficult?

"Um, hi, we brought you something. Our mom refuses to let us leave the house without hostess gifts" TJ said. He looked less stiff today as if he had used less hair gel.

"It's true," said Amber as she sat down with Andi. Cyrus stood up and gently took the box, careful not to touch Tj's hands. He smiled up at him and said, "Thank you" 

When he opened it, he saw that it was full of chocolate, Cyrus thought he had only mentioned wanting one once a couple months ago. "I know you like chocolate, so um you know. Here's some chocolate." TJ said, putting his hands in his pockets.  Cyrus smiled wider and closed the box, putting it out of arms reach. 

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the sleepover. Jonah said he'd come but he freaking lied so I guess it's just us. What shall we play first?" Marty had arranged the board games on the coffee table, everyone took a seat on the couch. 

"How about apples to apples?" Andi said while Amber nodded in agreement. 

"Hot seat?" Said, Buffy.

"What about Guess who?" said TJ. 

Cyrus didn't really care about what game they played first, but he said, "Yea, let's play Guess who." 

After two hours and two pizzas, they had gotten through the board games and were now watching a superhero movie Buffy had wanted to see. Buffy sat next to Marty, who had an arm around the back of her seat and was gently plucking at a stray curl, Amber and Andi were whispering softly to Nala who had decided to join them, and Tj and Cyrus were - well - trying not to look like a couple. Cyrus had become over self-conscious of his right leg, which he was holding so still he thought it would fall off. He would occasionally glance at TJ (not in a crush way, of course, he just needed to know if he was enjoying the movie or not, you know, normal friend stuff), but he hadn't spoken much to him. Did he think he was too boring to talk to? 

Cyrus' phone buzzed. 

_Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Hi_

Cyrus texted back  _Hi._ He looked at TJ, who had his phone out but was looking at the TV.

_Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Do you like the movie?_

Sent:  _I don't really know what's happening, too many explosions 🙀 You?_

_Cool Basketball Guy!!!: I've seen it a million times, Amber likes this stuff._

Sent:  _Cool, why don't we just talk out loud?_

_Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Idk,,,,,,go ahead_

Sent:  _UHh, it would ruin the ambiance. Meet me in my room in five minutes. It's down the hall, my name's on the door._

_Cool Basketball Guy!!!: K_

Cyrus slipped away as quietly as he could, no one noticed, just like he thought.

He stood in his room nervously reading the spines of books his parents had bought him for his middle school graduation. There was  _The Power of Positive Thinking, How to be You,_ and  _Don't Sweat the Small Stuff._ He had never read them, but his parents had bought them for his eighth grade graduation. They had told him, ' _The Goodman men tend to lean towards a melancholy disposition.'_

Cyrus heard the door open, TJ stepped in and looked around with a grin on his face, "I like it" he said. 

"I'm glad," said Cyrus, sitting on his footboard bench. He had noticed how childish his room seemed. Sure, he had self-help books, but they were next to his dinosaurs who were next to his fish posters who were next to his baby blue bed sheets. He suddenly wanted to throw up. 

He watched as TJ made his way around his room. He picked up books and trinkets Cyrus had picked up during the years. "What's the story behind this?" TJ would say, and Cyrus would answer with a nonsensical story that made them both laugh. They were both smiling until TJ picked up a pen hidden behind a stuffed penguin, "What's the story behind this?" TJ asked. Cyrus' smiled disappeared. TJ's did too, he put the pen down. 

"Sorry," TJ said, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, you don't have to talk about it."

"No no no it's fine. It belonged to my older brother." The only people who knew about Adam were his therapists, not even Andi or buffy knew. 

"You have an older brother?"

"Had," Cyrus looked down at his hands. He always cried when talking about his brother, not in a sad way, but out of habit. He really really did not want to cry in front of Tj again, he didn't want him to think he was a baby. 

TJ looked down and away, "I'm sorry about that," he said as he sat next to Cyrus. 

"I never knew him really. He died before I was conscious really so don't apologize." TJ nodded. Cyrus hated talking about himself. He didn't want to give people reasons to hate him. 

"So I guess that's part of your stuff huh?" Tj's voice had gotten quieter. Cyrus could see why TJ would think he needed to be careful around him, but Cyrus didn't want to feel fragile. He just wanted to be normal. 

"Yeah," Cyrus swallowed back tears. 

"Can we try something?" Tj said, suddenly shifting his body towards Cyrus. Was he always that tall?

Cyrus looked at him in confusion, it had gotten dark out and only his desk lamp was on. The shadows hid half of Tjs' face. Cyrus gulped, "Sure," he said.

"Let's play a game where both of us say something the other doesn't know, but we can't comment on it, or react, because that's not what this game's about. I feel like you know more about me than I know of you" TJ said, suddenly grinning again.

"Okay you go first," Cyrus was feeling rebellious today. 

Tj furrowed his brows for a moment. They knew enough about each other, but it was hard to come up with something the other didn't know. "Oh!" he said, "I was born in Kentucky"

Cyrus' eyes widened a bit, he coughed to mask his laughter. "Oh come on, it's not that funny" Said TJ. Cyrus simply grinned. 

"Okay, I'll go." Cyrus scratched his ear and huffed, "I don't like loud noises or being forced to talk to more than two people at a time"

"I knew that," Tj smirked. Cyrus noticed how pretty Tj's eyes were, in a friend way of course. 

"You did not!" Cyrus lightly slapped his shoulder making TJ chuckle.

They went on like that for a while, laughing and learning things about each other. Cyrus felt himself opening up to TJ, this had never happened before. Apparently, TJ had never been outside the country, his name stands for Tyler James, and he was obsessed with old romantic French films. Cyrus' heart had slowed down a bit. He felt cozy like his chest was being wrapped in a fluffy blanket. They went on until they ended up shoulder to shoulder on Cyrus' bed looking up at his glow in the dark star stickers. They had picked up a pace, rotating from one person to another. Now that they weren't looking at each other, and it was dark, it was easier to spill their souls to one another.

"I think my dad's cheating on my mom," said TJ.

"My greatest fear is being a disappointment to my family," said Cyrus.

"I don't like anything about myself," said TJ.

"I get panic attacks when there's a situation I can't control," said Cyrus.

"My parents like Amber more than me," TJ said.

"I get so sad that sometimes I can't leave my bed," Cyrus said.

"You're my favorite person in the world," TJ said.

Cyrus turned his face to look at him, TJ did the same. Something moved in him, it was like his head had finally caught up with his heart. He tried to memorize TJ's face at this moment. The way his nose was elongated by the lamplight and barely shining moon, how his eyes were the suggestion of green, and how his lashes brushed his cheeks when he blinked. His heart sunk back into his stomach, and he said, "You're my favorite person too." 

Cyrus wanted to tell him he thinks he's falling for him, but he couldn't. He wanted to tell him that he thinks he needs help, but he couldn't. TJ wanted to tell him that he thought he was falling for him, but he couldn't. TJ wanted to tell him that he wrote him the notes, but he couldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! thanks for reading so far.... I just *clenches fist* love them so much. Please let me know what you think in the comments below! Follow me on tumblr @frisbee-camp also..,,, where's jonah??? oooooo


	4. I Trust You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleepover aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry, this took me so long to upload 😭 (it's finals szn ladies, rise and grind) But!! I will be updating more frequently now that i'm on break! Follow me on tumblr @frisbee-camp

After laying and talking for what felt like forever, TJ and Cyrus fell asleep. TJ didn't care about what the rest of Cyrus' friends thought about him, what mattered was that he was Cyrus' favorite person.  _Him_. And that he had felt comfortable enough to share his secrets with him. TJ wondered why Cyrus' friends hadn't gone looking for them, they probably knew more than they did.

TJ woke up to the sound of Cyrus yawning. It must've been morning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you" Cyrus yawned again.

TJ rolled on his side to face him, he faintly remembered Cyrus covering him with the baby blue duvet. He inhaled deeply  _Pine trees_ he thought. He loved Cyrus' room, it was so  _him_. 

TJ smiled slightly, "Don't worry about it," he said as he sat up.

They headed for the living room where they could hear the sounds of laughter. Marty was trying to cook something and Andi was braiding Ambers hair while she sat on the dining table. Everyone's sleeping bags had been set out, making the living room a sea of dark blues and greens. TJ's sleeping bag had stayed rolled up in the corner, away from the others.

"Hello Cyrus," Buffy said suspiciously as she eyed Cyrus, "and...TJ." TJ had a...difficult...relationship with Cyrus' friends. He felt that no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up getting on their bad sides. 

Cyrus walked directly past her, heading for the slightly undercooked pancakes Marty was setting out.

"Cyrus!"Buffy called out, "explain yourself!" Cyrus simply ignored her, grinning as if nothing had happened. As if he hadn't disappeared during the middle of the night to talk to the recently redeemed TJ. Cyrus sat down, took two pancakes from Marty, and cut them perfectly. 

"Yes, Buffy?" Cyrus finally said, unbothered. They eyed each other. Buffy rolled her eyes and went to help Marty.

"Hey," said Andi to TJ. He didn't think anyone had noticed him. "You're staring an awful lot at Cyrus," they said. TJ immediately looked away, the tops of his cheeks turning pink.

He rolled his eyes at them, "No I'm not" he said.

"I can see right through you TJ. you're just like Amber. Stop hiding your feelings by being mean."  Amber was eating pancakes with Cyrus, Marty, and Buffy, who were all giggling at something one of them had said.

"No, I don't. Leave me alone Andi" TJ crossed his arms.

"Fine, but we all know you like him. You get the same look Amber does" they said, moving back to the kitchen table. TJ's heart stopped beating for a second. He didn't like Cyrus, right? They were just friends? Cyrus totally didn't make him feel like a little kid. Cyrus totally wasn't his favorite person. He had written those notes because he wanted Cyrus to know those things, not to drop hints that he liked him because people with crushes totally don't leave each other notes. TJ did not like Cyrus just like how he did not want to hold his hand and touch his stupid cute face and make him smile forever. He totally just wanted to be friends. Right? Andi sat next to Amber and plucked some pancake from her plate, making Amber swat their hand away. They both smiled at each other. Amber looked totally entranced by Andi.  _Do I look like that?_

He looked at Cyrus, who he thought looked really cute (in a friend way) with his hair hanging in front of his forehead, and with his eyes still half closed from sleep. TJ suddenly realized that he was standing in the doorway like an idiot. He took a seat next to Marty who offered him a soggy pancake, he took one but he wasn't hungry, he was too busy glancing at Cyrus who sat on the other side of the table. Everyone was suddenly silent.

"So," Marty said clearing his throat, "in case you guys didn't know, the rest of us had a fine time after you two disappeared." Buffy gently elbowed him, he glanced at her and continued, "We're not going to ask what happened but we just want you to know that you're our friends and you can talk to us and things like that. We've been friends since middle school, so if something happ-"

"Wait, no what are you guys talking about? Nothing happened!" Cyrus said, looking around. He looked towards TJ, who was sitting still and hiding under his hoodie. Amber raised an eyebrow at TJ, he looked away. No one looked at Cyrus. "You guys! I'm serious!" 

"Whatever you say," said Andi. 

"I'm serious!" Cyrus said again, he looked towards TJ with pleading eyes. Tj felt embarrassed, he thought no one would notice their absence. 

 _"_ Anyways Andi and I took out Nala, I think we might have to steal her from you, she's sooo cute!" Said Amber, smiling. The energy of the room shifted, and everyone started talking again. Cyrus and TJ absentmindedly poked at their pancakes. 

During the car ride home, all TJ could do was think about Cyrus. He had known he was cute before, but now it was  _different._ He felt weird as if he were over caffeinated and sleep deprived at the same time. But TJ didn't like boys right? Come to think of it, TJ has never liked anyone before. Sure, he pretended to like people to fit in with Reed and Lester, but that was all fake. When it came down to it, he never wanted to talk to Alina 'the hottest girl at Jefferson' according to Reed and Lester. He'd never felt like this before, as if his heart was on the edge of a cliff and Cyrus was the one nudging it over. Cyrus? It can't be. He's supposed to be the all-star basketball player, he made varsity as a freshman, he was cool. Not that Cyrus wasn't cool...he was just different. Different. Was does different even mean? Deviation from the norm he guessed. Not fitting the mold, but who decides the mold? Those at the top. And who's at the top now? He is. And what if Cyrus doesn't even like him and just thinks he's an overbearing stupid jock-

"TJ!" Amber had ripped off his earbuds, he wasn't even listening to anything. "I've been calling your name for like ten minutes! What's up with you?" They were sitting in Amber's used green slug bug in their driveway. She had gotten it as a gift for their 16th birthday. Everyone had pulled together to get it for her. Even TJ. 

"Nothing," TJ said and moved to get out of the car, but Amber pulled him back in. "Hey!" he said, "What do you want?"

"I want you to tell me what's going on stupid," She said, turning her body towards her twin. They were the same age, but TJ's head brushed the ceiling of her car while she could barely reach the pedals. 

TJ rolled his eyes and said, "Nothing's going on."

"You know we're like the same person right? You can't hide anything from me I know how you think." 

"You  _think_ you know how I think, but you don't know me. No one does" Tj said, looking out the window again. His dad's car wasn't in the driveway. When was the last time he had seen him? 

"OHHH my goddd stop being so emo. I know what's up, but I want you to tell me yourself" Amber said, tugging at his ear.

TJ grimaced and swatted her hand away. He sighed through his nose and turned his head toward his sister. "Fine," Amber said, "We'll play yes or no." It was a game they had made up when they were younger. Neither of them had ever been very good at expressing their own emotions, but they could always help the other sort through theirs. TJ closed his eyes, ready to hear what Amber had to say about his own feelings. 

Amber started, "You're failing math again," Tj nodded no.

"You're afraid of disappointing someone" TJ nodded yes.

"You're afraid of disappointing mom" TJ nodded yes, he felt his eyes well up. 

"You're afraid of disappointing dad" Tj nodded yes.

"You want to tell me" TJ nodded yes.

"You like him don't you?" TJ didn't move his head but fisted his hands.

"TJ, I know you like him. We all do. Now you're the one who has to realize it" Amber said gently placing her hand on TJ's. She peeled his fingers away from his palm. "It's okay to like him as more than a friend. We'll get through it. We always do. Remember when I told you I liked Andi?" TJ slowly opened his eyes and looked at his sister. His heart sank, she looked so kind. Being around Andi and their friends had softened her, she wasn't as harsh as she was in middle school. 

They told each other everything, they always had each other's backs. "I don't want them to hate me," TJ said.

"Mom and dad?" Amber said. 

TJ nodded yes. 

"Why'd we both have to be gay?" Tj chuckled sadly and held his sister's hand

"Genetics I guess," she smiled, "we'll just have to come out together then."

"You haven't told them yet?" TJ asked. Their parents were supportive, but only to an extent. They looked at each other. 

"Should we just wait till college?" Amber half-joked. 

"Honestly? Maybe," Tj said looking down. 

Later that night, when their parents were asleep. Amber and TJ sat in their backyard together, they had a little deck their grandparents had built in a billion years ago. When they were younger, they used to sit in the wooden lawn chairs and act like old people. "How'd you know?" Amber asked him after a while. 

"I don't know. I guess when you told me." This always happened. TJ would act and Amber would tell him why. He would talk and she would tell him what he really meant. 

"Like always," she said, "You never know until someone points it out" 

"Yea, he like, opened up to me last night" TJ picked at the paint on the old lawn chair and looked up at the stars. 

"Really? He must trust you," Amber had her hair in two braids. 

"I guess he does."

"Do you trust him?" Amber looked over at him, they were both in their pajamas. 

TJ thought for a second, "Yeah, of course I do. After you, he's like the only person in the world I trust." He paused, "Is this how it is with you and Andi?" 

"Yeah," Amber smiled. "I knew I liked her when she was with Jonah, I thought I was jealous of her, but I guess I just wanted to be Jonah" She twirled the ring Andi had made her around her finger, it was delicate and gold and very Amber. 

"What do I do now? Suffer?" Tj smirked.

"Yes, and you tell him"

"What!" TJ sat up, "Amber no freaking way. He doesn't like me back!"

"Uh yes he does T" Amber was serious.

TJ groaned, "Why is this so hard, why can't we just cut to when we're together and doing dumb couple stuff?" 

"This isn't one of your black and white movies T, it's real life, get it together. Look, Iris is having a party next Saturday. Invite him and tell him then, You could take some shots if you really need it," Amber said.

Tj rolled his eyes, "Yeah sure," he said sarcastically, "I'll tell him then." Whether or not he told him then depended on how much alcohol he would consume, and considering him, it would be nothing.

Amber flicked his head, "I'll know if you're lying to me or not!" 

"Geez, Amber! Next week? I just figured out I like him today! Give me a break," Tj leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes. If he told Cyrus how he felt, then he would ruin what they already had. He didn't want to lose Cyrus already, he was one of the few constants of his life. 

"Oh my god dude no offense, but I know how you work. You need a goal, so I'm giving you one, also stop writing him notes, those are literally the cringiest thing ever."

"How'd you-"

"I know everything. Now text him." Amber said grinning. 

"Fine," TJ took out his phone.

Sent to Muffin:  _Hey so Amber is having a party next saturday and I was wondering if u wanted to come? U can invite all ur friends btw 😛 lmk if ur down_

"EW what the heck why would you use that emoji T?!" Amber said into TJ's ear.

"Amber! Stop looking over my shoulder!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg!! I love the Kippens so much. Let me know what you think of this chapter in the comments! What do you think will happen next? Where's Jonah? OOOoooooo But,,, thank you for reading so far i love all of you for allowing me to write about these two


	5. Real Emo Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus doesn't go to school and Tj is worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit shorter than the other chapters, but it is SOOO important!!!!!!

From Muffin:  _Yes we'll be there_  😸

Sent:  _Yay, see you there! How'd everything go after we left? Were your parents cool with us cooking lol_

TJ had texted Cyrus Saturday after talking with Amber. It was Thursday now and he hadn't seen Cyrus since that night. He didn't text him back and he hadn't seen him at school at all this week. TJ had been looking forward to seeing him, and now he knew why. While walking down the hall trying to avoid Reed and Lester, TJ saw the good hair crew + jonah by cyrus' locker. They were taking his books out. 

"Hey," Tj said to them, "What's going on? Where's Cyrus?"

"He's fine," Buffy said, "He just gets like this sometimes. Don't try to fix him we're working on it."

"I know he's depressed Buffy," Tj said, they all turned to look at him. He hated talking to them without Cyrus. Without Cyrus he had no reason to be there, they only saw his bad side. 

"How do you know that?" Jonah said.

"He told me at the sleepover you didn't go to," TJ said to him.

"Hey, leave him alone," said Andi. 

"What do you even want TJ?" Asked Buffy, looking increasingly annoyed as she gently placed Cyrus' books into her backpack. 

"I just wanted to see if he was okay. Look I know you don't like me but I'm trying here okay?" Tj said as he rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand.

"TJ, we know you care a lot about him, but we can handle this. We really can." Andi said. 

"Please just stay out of this one. He'll be better in time for your party. If that's why you're really here" Buffy added.

"It's-" Tj looked up and groaned "Look Buffy, Andi, even you Jonah, I am trying so hard to be a better person for him okay? I know you guys still think I'm a bully but I can help him!"

"TJ," Andi said gently, "we know you're trying, but this has nothing to do with you. Plus we've all forgiven you, stop acting like we hate you because we don't. Cyrus gave you a good review." 

Jonah had his arms crossed behind Andi, Buffy was obviously annoyed, and Andi looked at him with caring eyes, "Really?" TJ asked. 

"Yes, now stop being so melodramatic. He'll respond to your texts soon enough. Also, stop putting notes in his locker, they're really cringy" Jonah said from behind Andi. They all turned to look at Jonah.

"Those notes are yours?!" Andi said with their mouth agape. TJ blushed furiously, he didn't think Jonah had noticed. "We talk about those notes all the time in the group chat, we thought it was Reed playing a joke on Cyrus!" Andi continued. 

"Oh this is good" Buffy laughed, "OHH my god this is gold, you like him? That's why you've been hanging around us?" 

TJ momentarily closed his eyes and said "Yes Okay? I like him. Now you know" TJ turned and walked away from them, he heard Buffy yell, "TJ! Wait!" but he didn't care, he walked straight home angry at his own heart.

Once he got home, he shut himself in his room and texted Cyrus. 

Sent to Muffin at 3:48 pm:  _Hi Cyrus, I hope you're feeling better. lmk if I can help with anything. Your body guards wont let me near u :/_

Sent to Muffin at 7:36 pm:  _Hey, just wanted to check in. You know you can talk to me. I'm here for you._

Sent to Muffin at 11:34 pm:  _Hi Underdog look at this cat video_

Sent to Muffin at 1:24 am:  _yo this dog is u_

Sent to Muffin at 3:12 am:  _hi im watchin a movie i think u'd like it. its abt polar bears n stuff_

Sent to Muffin at 8:35 am:  _guud mornig, ur my favorite person in the whole world_

TJ hadn't been able to sleep all night, all he could do was think about how horrible Cyrus must have felt all night. He had spent the night scrolling aimlessly through his camera roll looking at pictures of the two of them together. He hadn't realized how far back their friendship had gone. There were pictures from when they were both 13 and stupid and at the fair, to just last week when he had taken one of them together at his basketball game. He couldn't have possibly fallen asleep knowing Cyrus was miserable. He just couldn't. 

He had spent the night with his headphones on, wandering around his room and listening to Sufjan Stevens. His room wasn't nearly as cool as Cyrus', he had mostly basketball trophies and the occasional old movie poster, but other than that it was empty. But TJ liked it because it had a skylight. The sun could never judge you. But the sun wasn't out at night and his room was pitch black. Amber had come in once or twice, but all she had to do was look at him to understand what was going on.  _Oh,_ she probably thought to herself  _he's in way too deep_ and left him to sulk. 

TJ had fallen asleep for exact 3 minutes when he got a text from Cyrus. 

From Muffin at 8:40 am: Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow. 

TJ smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for reading!! What do you want from the next chapter?? What do you think will happen next!????!!!!!


	6. Why do you even care?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party!

Cyrus had had a rough week, but this episode wasn't nearly as bad as usual. He had spent Monday in bed but was walking Nala by Wednesday. His parents had noticed but chose to give him space, they only opened his door to give him his dinner. During times like these, his mom always gave him encouraging post-it notes with pictures of cute dogs and quotes saying "You matter" and "Even waking up is an accomplishment." Cyrus' roughest episode was after his brother had died, he had spent two weeks in the dark and didn't feel like himself for another year, that was when he was 13. That was when his parents had decided to put him on SSRI's. 

"Hey there champ," Todd had said as Cyrus was finishing up the homework Buffy had dropped off. Cyrus was sitting on his bed with Nala in his lap. Having her there always made the world feel more manageable.

Cyrus looked small and beaten down. He knew he had nothing to be sad about, but he felt horrible anyways. It was as if the sadness of seven billion people had been transported to his chest, it was unbearable. In a small voice, he said, "Hi."

"Hey, honey. Feeling any better?" his mom said as both of his parents sat on the bed. His sets of parents tended to trade off on this after-depressive-episode-speech.

Cyrus closed his book and held his breath, "Yea" he said under his breath.

"Honey we've talked about this. You can't keep going off your meds whenever you feel like. They're there to help you" His mom had said as she gently finger-combed his hair.

"Yea I know mom," He knew it was a mistake to stop taking them, but he just wanted some control over his life. 

"Cyrus, what is it? Why have you gotten so distant? Is it the teenager thing or something else?" Todd said as he sat next to his wife.

Cyrus shrugged, his eyes started to water.  _Don't be so lame_ he thought  _what is it this time anyway? Why do you always have to be such a baby?_

 _"_ Let's try another question," his mom said gently "why'd you go off your meds Cy? You haven't touched them at all this year. You know this always happens when you go off them."

Cyrus looked up at the ceiling for inspiration, hope, courage, anything he didn't have. "I-" he started, but he couldn't finish, his tears had caught up with him. He sobbed into Nala's fur. "I-" he tried again, only to get caught on his own emotions, "I don't know, I-" he felt his parents rub his back, he felt their compassion." I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." he pleaded to no one in particular. He didn't know what was happening to him, everything felt like too much, too little, too confusing. It was too much for a 15 year old.

"What do you need from us, Cyrus?" His mom said as she brushed his bangs back, He couldn't look into her eyes. "We're here for you, all four of us." All Cyrus could do was nod and cry.  _Normal_ he thought,  _I just want to be normal._

Cyrus had spent a good part of the week wallowing in his own misery, but he was feeling more like himself after he had cried in front of his parents. He spent the rest of that day finishing homework and texting his friends. Andi and Buffy (and even Jonah) had made sure to flood his phone with dumb vine compilations and cat videos. Andi had even come over to give him his very own flower crown, complete with daisies and baby's breath. They had crowned him 'Prince of the Good Hair Kingdom.' Even Nala had gotten a little crown. Buffy had dropped off his homework and hugged him for twenty minutes straight, she knew her words wouldn't help him. Jonah had flood his dm's with cat videos and frisbee videos, occasionally cats playing frisbee and anything else Jonah thought was entertaining. Cyrus had expected his friends to contact him, but he didn't expect TJ to text him at all that week, he didn't think he'd notice his absence. Cyrus felt as though he couldn't reply to TJ's messages. Sure, he had spilled his guts to him the other night, but their friendship was just  _different._ He didn't want him to see him like this. He liked the idea of TJ thinking he was as put together as his outfits. Buffy, Andi, and Jonah all knew he wasn't perfect, but TJ had only seen him fall apart once, and that time wasn't even that bad.

The next day, the good hair crew had decided to get ready for Amber's party at Buffy's house. Jonah would meet them there.

"You know," Buffy said as she helped Andi get into their elaborate jumpsuit, "I really do hope we all have fun tonight, let loose and stuff."

"Did Buffy Driscoll just tell us to let loose?" Cyrus had said exasperated, he was sitting on the floor surrounded by Andi's makeup, he had just finished doing his hair. He was smiling again.

"Yeah, I'm cool." Buffy said, Andi and Cyrus both laughed, "You guys! This is our first real high school party, we should enjoy it and all its trashy perfection. We've worked hard! We deserve to get completely wasted. Plus, we told our parents we'd be at Andi's right? So we're good" Buffy was now rambling to herself.

"Buffy, we're fine," Andi said, "we're supposed to do trashy teenage stuff. It's part of the American school system."

"I for one, am not going to get wasted. I don't want everyone from school to see me like that! I have an image to keep up" Cyrus said.

"Whatever you say Cy" Buffy said, "Just know that when you do get trashed, we'll have your back."

Around 9pm and after eating two bags of pepperoni pizza rolls, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus walked to the address Amber had sent Andi.

"I thought this was Amber's party?" Buffy noted as they reached the door. It was a seemingly normal house on the outside, but Cyrus could already hear the trap music moving the ground.

"Me too," Andi said as the door opened.

"HEEEYYYYYY" Screamed Iris. 

"Iris?!" Cyrus stood with his mouth agape. When was the last time he had seen her?

"Oh my god! Cyrus! You're so tall now! Come in come in." She gave them all light hugs and motioned for them to come in.

"Is this your party?" Andi said.

"Oh yeah, Amber didn't tell you? My parents are out this weekend. Everyone's in the living room right now. Drinks are in the kitchen. You know the drill." She turned to walk towards what Cyrus assumed to be the living room. He could smell the teenage musk from here. "Oh! and upstairs is off limits" she added smiling.

When was the last time he had talked to her? Did she know he was gay? Probably, right? Cyrus thought about taking twenty shots right then and there, seeing Iris embarrassed him beyond repair. Seeing her reminded him of his failed attempt at a love life. He didn't want to think about his love life, but seeing her flooded him with reminders of his faults and insecurities. Plus Iris probably thought he was still a nerd. Had she told people he was a nerd? Or that he was a bad kisser. Oh god, what if she told everyone he was a bad kisser?

"Okay team, Amber should be here soon, same with Marty and- Cyrus? Are you okay?" Andi waved their hand in front of his face.

"Me? Cyrus Goodman? I'm great. There's a reason we're called Goodman, because we're good, always chilling, like surfer brahs ya know how it is," Cyrus said as he nervously looked around the living room. He saw a couple people he knew from his classes, but most of the people there were in the grade above them. People had been trickling in behind them and he noticed that the room was not big enough for all of them. He felt cramped. Why did he think this was a good idea?  _OH my god_ he thought  _what if TJ's not coming and i'm left alone as the fifth wheel?_

Buffy and Andi had made their way into the circle people had created in the living room. Cyrus sat down next to them. Soon enough, Amber, Jonah, Marty, and TJ had shown up.

"Hey" TJ said as he sat on the other side of the circle.

"Hey" Cyrus had responded. For some reason, TJ wasn't looking at Cyrus at all. Cyrus noticed that Rester had shown up too, he looked away.

"Okay ladies and gentlemen" Iris had said, "This game is called 'Buffalo-" Cyrus had stopped paying attention to whatever stupid drinking game Iris had come up with, he was now looking at TJ. Tj was in a corner talking with Reed and Lester, they were smoking something, but that wasn't was Cyrus was angry about. Cyrus felt betrayed by TJ, how is it that he spent so much time worrying about him only to not want to talk to him? Why was he hanging out with Rester again? Cyrus felt someone nudge his side and pass him a red cup that smelled like grape cough syrup, he tasted it and grimaced. He looked over at TJ with his dumb perfect hair, who was now laughing with Reed and Lester and took a big gulp of what tasted faintly of coke.

"Andi, I want you to know-wait, Marty, Buffy! I want you guys to know that like you're my bestest friends in the world and like, You guys. The world is so hard you know? And like dogs are so good and stuff but everything is still hard even though we have dogs" Cyrus didn't remember where he was, all he knew was that it was somehow darker inside and everything was fuzzier. He didn't really know where his drinks were coming from, but he didn't care. "I just- love you guys so much" Cyrus was talking to his friends who were all on Iris' couch nodding in serious agreement. They too had rub cups scattered around them.  _Am I on the floor?_

Cyrus vaguely remembered seeing Andi and Amber laughing hysterically, if he thought back hard enough he could even remember seeing Buffy smile and pet at Marty's face while he twisted his fingers into her curls. He vaguely remembered seeing Jonah dancing and laughing with Walker. He thought he saw them holding hands too, but it could've just been his imagination. He definitely remembered them basically sitting on each other and he definitely remembered laying on the floor alone. He could hear the other party-goers talking and laughing but only vaguely, everything was a little cloudy, dreamlike even. It was as though this house didn't exist in this dimension, as if anything that happened here wasn't real.

"Hey," Cyrus heard from above him. He could see blond hair.

"T?" Cyrus slurred. He tried to sit up but his body had suddenly gotten a hundred pounds heavier, so he stayed on the floor. His eyes focused a bit.

"No," Cyrus could see Reed move his mouth "it's Reed dude, you're like sooo out of it. You should drink some water bro."

Cyrus hummed and closed his eyes. He thought about how Alcohol made gravity work ten times better. "Reed I don't like you," Cyrus said.

Reed chuckled a bit and said, "Okay bro" as he helped Cyrus sit up. Cyrus kept his eyes closed, but he noticed that Reed had brought him something to drink that didn't smell like medicine.

"Hey" Reed said again, "dude, are you good?"

"I don't like you, you're mean," Cyrus said.

"Yea I got that thanks."

"You messed up my hair," Cyrus said as he opened his eyes a bit and looked over at Reed.

"I'm sorry about that," Reed said, "hey who's taking you home? Do you have somewhere to go?"

"Hey! What are you doing to him?" Cyrus heard someone say to Reed. He didn't understand some of the words but he didn't care. He closed his eyes again.

"Did you give him something?" He heard the same voice say.

"Yo, chill. I just gave him water. I was just trying to help. Why do you care so much anyway?" Reed said. Cyrus heard his voice grow more distant. There was yelling and cursing and he thought he heard someone scream, but it felt far away. Everything felt so far away.

"Whatever Reed fuck off. Your shit was shit by the way!" Cyrus heard the voice get closer "Cyrus? Hey. It's TJ." The voice kneeled in front of him.

"Oh," Cyrus said "Tyler James" Cyrus saw his arm move to touch TJs head. He grinned and sang "you're jealousssss"

"And you're drunk," TJ said.

"Ooo says the jealous boyyy. You cangetme water too" Cyrus laid on the floor again. He liked the floor. It was comfortable.

"Okay Cyrus. How much have you had?"

"Uuuhhhh like a lil lil lil bitty bitty bit, I'm not even that drunk."

"Underdog, you're on the floor right now."

"And you're up there. So tall.  Like a building," Cyrus laughed and blinked slowly, Cyrus could barely hear the music. 

"Uh huh now come on, get up" TJ tried to get Cyrus to stand up, but all he could do was him to sit up.

Cyrus looked at him and asked "Am I really your favorite person?" Before throwing up on TJ's shirt.

"Oh my god. Okay, Cyrus, I think it's time for you to go. Who's taking you home? Andi? Buffy?" TJ said as he sat on the floor next to him.

Cyrus didn't understand what words were being said to him and whether or not he was supposed to respond so he just grinned and said "You have pretty eyes" TJ blushed furiously and called to someone. Cyrus felt himself get lifted away, and next thing he knew he was in a car and then in a bed and then he was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thanks for reading so far, this was my favorite chapter to write! LMK what you think in the comments!! I told you this would be a slow burn ;)


	7. I'm really in this now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where it gets real so stay tuned my friends

TJ didn't know what to think. He had gone to Iris' party only because he had invited Cyrus, and even then, seeing him drunk was an...experience.

He had walked in with Amber, who immediately went to Andi, who was awkwardly sitting next to Marty and Buffy. TJ panicked when he saw Cyrus, he had texted him saying he'd be there, but other than that TJ didn't know what to do with his new truth. He had a crush on Cyrus Goodman. Amber had told him to confess, but he couldn't just  _do_ that. So instead, he ignored him.

But, he couldn't help but feel Cyrus' eyes on him.  _God, he probably thinks I'm a jerk again._ He had thought. TJ had spent the entire day with knots in his stomach, confessing to Cyrus meant his crush was real and didn't know if he wanted to change what they had. He wasn't very good at change. TJ went to his old friend group at the party because it was comfortable, at least with them nothing was new.

"Yo," said Lester.

"Hey," Tj had greeted them as he quickly eyed Cyrus.  _Is he drinking?_

His old friend group consisted of Reed, Lester, Tom, Angel, and Matthew. He hadn't spoken to them organically in a while, but he didn't expect them to change much. All they did was smoke weed and talk about girls, one of which TJ never explored much of. The guys liked to call themselves the "Gucci gang" (emphasis on the Gucci) for reasons TJ had already forgotten after the third hit.

"Bro, this shit hits harrrrd" Tom had told Reed, "Is my face still here??" The gang busted out laughing, but TJ couldn't help but catch a glimpse of Cyrus looking at him again. Cyrus had been sitting on the floor, his head in Andi's lap as they gently raked his hair back with their fingers.  _God I wish that were me._

"YOO TT! You good man? This shit bops right?" Lester had snapped his fingers in front of TJ's face.

"Huh? Oh, yea. It hits I guess." TJ said, itching behind his ear.

"Hey man, what's up? Are you not having fun?" Lester lowered his voice and leaned closer, he was the most emotionally intelligent out of all of them. "Dude," Lester said, "Do you wanna talk? I know you're not high, this weed is wack" Lester chuckled.

TJ looked over at Cyrus again, who he saw looking longingly at Jonah, who was laughing with Walker.

Lester followed his gaze, "Oh," Lester said, "got it. You know we all know right? Like we been knew since middle school."

TJ blinked in surprise, "And you guys are like, okay with that?"

"Dude, come on. We're your bros and it's the 21st century," Lester said.

TJ chuckled slightly and grinned, "Shit, I didn't even know till this week." TJ had looked over again, this time Cyrus caught his eye, raised his cup to his lips, and chugged its contents.

"Bro, you don't think he's straight right?" Lester said with raised eyebrows as he hit it again.

"He dated Iris." TJ said as Lester passed it to him. He passed it to Angel, he had had enough.

"Don't be so dense T, sexuality is fluid."

"Lester you're like a straight up guru right now. When'd you get so wise huh?" Tj said as he nudged him with his shoulder. Lester shrugged.

By midnight, the music had become so defining that TJ thought it would bring the house down. He couldn't see Cyrus anymore which made him anxiously fidget with the hem of his hoodie.  _What if something happened to him?_

Because of the drunk dancing teenagers, the gang had moved from their corner to the kitchen. TJ and Lester sat on the counter as Reed, Angel, and Tom had decided to get as drunk as humanly possible. TJ had poured sprite into a red cup to make it seem like he was drinking. He hated the feeling of being out of control. He had been staring at the contents at hand when Lester nudged his shoulder and said, "Hey, look who's here"

TJ's heart raced as the butterflies returned. Cyrus walked - well stumbled- in, but he was okay. Cyrus poured himself another drink and walked straight up to TJ ignoring the noises of encouragement from the gang.

"You!" Cyrus said, pointing. TJ couldn't help but notice everyone's eyes on him. Reed eyed them suspiciously.

"Me?" TJ said jokingly.

Cyrus waved his arms around, and said, "UH DOY, you sir, are IGNORING me and that hurts my feelings. I THOUGH we were friends" TJ smiled a bit and hummed. Seeing Cyrus with his guard down was a rare occurrence, especially with his hair looking perfectly imperfect and his cheeks too red from the alcohol. He looked like an angry toddler.

"Hey!" Cyrus slapped his shoulder. It didn't hurt. "Stop  _ignoring_ me," he said, as he slowly stumbled out of the kitchen.

Everyone immediately turned to TJ, who was lovingly following Cyrus with his eyes. The place where Cyrus had hit him tingled.

Reed busted out laughing "Uh," he said, "Did anyone else see that?" The rest of the gang had joined Reed in laughing, Reed began to mock Cyrus. "Stop ignoring me TJ! I love you so much muah muah muah" Reed and Tom laughed to each other. TJ's felt a lump in his throat, he balled his fists and slammed down his drink.

"Why do you guys have to be such douches all the time!" TJ yelled.

They had gone back to mocking TJ and Cyrus now, Reed had started to say "Oh Cyrus! You're so cool I just want to look at you all day, and talk about you all day!"

TJ hopped off the counter and paced out of the kitchen.  _God why do I even hang out with them?_ He heard Lester call out saying, "Oh come on TJ, we're just teasing!"

TJ felt heat overtake him, he had never felt so angry. His friends had teased him before, but they never mocked Cyrus. He found himself in Iris' backyard after having shoved his way past the hormone ridden mob. He sat on her porch steps and rested his head on his knees. He felt tears stick to his cheeks but didn't bother wiping them away. After a while, people started coming outside to see the stars, mostly couples holding hands. TJ groaned and aggressively rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. He thought someone would come out to see if he was okay, but no one did.

After cooling down, TJ went back inside to see if Amber wanted to go back home. He just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.

The inside of the house had gotten way messier than he expected, the music had died down and now people were sprawled out on any surface their body allowed them. He searched the rooms for Amber, only to find her curled up on the living room couch with Andi. The living room's lights had been dimmed, so he couldn't see many faces. People were playing spin the bottle, although everyone was too drunk to properly spin it, so it was more like "move the bottle, kiss who you want." He heard whoops and felt a stab of jealousy,  _Was Cyrus playing?_

Before going over to Amber, TJ saw Cyrus sprawled on the floor and  _Reed?_ Before he knew any better, Tj had pulled Reed away from Cyrus and made sure he was okay.

"Dude! What's your problem today!" Reed slurred. "I'm trying to help him. I know how much you care about him."

"Stay out of it Reed! Go be an asshole somewhere else!" TJ blurted out.

"GOD, what is with you. Do you like him or something?" Reed said. Everyone's eyes had turned towards them. TJ felt hot and angry. His fingernails dug into his palm. He fell silent.

"So we were right, you do like him! And now you're choosing him over us?! We've been friends longer than you have with that loser-" TJ heard a crack, he felt his fist hit bone. He opened his eyes and saw Reed on the floor.

The next moments consisted of the gang holding back Reed while strings of curse words reigned.

"Fuck you TJ," Reed finally said, "don't bother crawling back to us when you get your HEAD out of your ASS," he yelled as the gang dragged him away. Lester gave TJ an apologetic look.

TJ kneeled in front of Cyrus, he didn't care about the stares, he just wanted to make sure he was safe. He had tried getting Cyrus to his feet, only for him to tell him things that made TJ's heart flutter and get thrown up on.

"Hey," Tj heard a voice say softly behind him, "Hey, let's get out of here." Amber helped TJ drag Cyrus to his feet. People were staring. The music had been turned off.

"What!" TJ said to the staring teenagers. Everyone flinched.

The car ride home consisted of drunk Andi and Cyrus crying and hugging each other. They keep repeating, "I love you so much friend I love you so much" and "Buffy! Come hug!"

"Buffy's with Walker, you'll see her soon" Amber had to repeat fifteen times.

Amber didn't speak to TJ the entire ride home. When they pulled into their driveway, they saw their dad sitting in his car. Tj groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What is  _he_ doing here," Amber said, " And why is he just sitting there like a creep?"

TJ sighed and said, "Mom changed the locks." They looked at each other. They'd deal with their father another day.

Amber and TJ learned that dragging Andi and Cyrus out of the Bug was a lot harder than getting them in. There was crying and more vomit until finally, Amber offered them cookies if they went inside.

Their mom wasn't home that day. On Saturdays, she'd get wine drunk with her friends. She always told them she'd come back, but they knew she wouldn't be back until Monday morning. She wasn't a bad mother, just selectively neglectful.

The twins had spent twenty minutes coaxing Andi and Cyrus into their home. Amber had taken Andi into her room, and Tj had been left with a semi-conscious Cyrus with no motor skills. He had left Cyrus on his bed to shower and change into pajamas, only to find him on his floor when he came back.

TJ rushed over to him, "Cyrus! Cyrus are you okay?" He rolled him over.

"I am now," Cyrus said, "You're very pretty"

Tj blushed, he suddenly liked drunk candid Cyrus. "Here," he said, "put this on" TJ had grabbed a random hoodie from his drawers and handed it to Cyrus.

"OH mhm okay" Cyrus slurred and painstakingly took off his dirty party clothes, TJ turned around. When he turned back around, he saw that Cyrus had crawled into his bed. He was so small that TJ only saw his forehead poking out from under the covers. He grinned and immediately frowned.  _I'm really in this now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi thanks for reading so far, i told you this would get dramatic fast! lmk what you think in the comments


	8. He took care of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cy wakes up in a strange situation, the GHC talk things out

Cyrus woke up in a strange bed that smelled like lemon detergent. He groaned as he sat up, his head was killing him. He looked over and saw  _TJ?!_ Cyrus gasped and immediately wanted to cry. The embarrassment crawled up his throat, he thought of running away. He looked up, only to find the sun blasting in through the skylight. Looking over, Cyrus saw TJ sleeping peacefully. He looked calm and pliant, the sunlight draining into the room blanched his skin, making him look like porcelain. Cyrus felt a tug in his stomach. He really really really did not want to have a crush on TJ, but he just couldn't keep his eyes off of him. He had gone through enough heartbreak with Jonah, he didn't want that again and yet, the butterflies had come back.

TJ stirred. Cyrus didn't know what to do. Should he leave? Should he stay? He thought back to last night, only to not be able to remember much. He remembered drinking a lot out of spite and  _Oh my god, I threw up on him._ He felt his heart race a million miles per hour, he felt his chest compress, he felt like he was dying.

"Cyrus? Cyrus, what's wrong?" He could hear TJ, but he couldn't move, he could only grip the covers.

He didn't know how long he stayed like that- frozen in fear- but it felt like an eternity. He knew TJ was talking to him, but he didn't want that right now.  _Water, I need water._ He didn't know If he had said it out loud or not, but suddenly there was a glass of water in his hand. He drank it.

For the second time in less than 24 hours, TJ was taking care of him. It made him feel warm and incompetent. He hated being seen as vulnerable, he didn't want to feel others pity. 

"Cyrus are you back? Are you okay?" Tj asked, worried.

He nodded.

"Why am I at your house?" Cyrus asked softly.

TJ sat facing him and gently pushed Cyrus' bangs back, "You, um, were pretty wasted at Iris' party" TJ looked around his room, his eyes landing on Cyrus' hands. Cyrus shuffled a bit, his legs felt incredibly cold.  _Wait, what am I wearing?_ Cyrus looked down and saw his own face. His Bash Mitzvah sweater, only it was two sizes too big on him and went down way past his hands and down to his knees. Cyrus knew TJ could see his cheeks go two shades redder, he couldn't look him in the eye.

"And this is your hoodie?" Cyrus said slowly.

TJ nodded.

"And you brought me to your house?"

TJ nodded. Cyrus felt his heart swell. Out of all his friends, the jock had kept him safe. He smiled to himself and finally looked at TJ.

"Was that okay? Are you mad?" Tj said, furrowing his brows. Cyrus nodded no and looked down at TJ's anxious hands. His eyes widened.

"What happened to your hand?" He asked, gently.

"Oh," TJ looked uncomfortable, "basketball and stuff you know." Cyrus didn't know. "Hey uh, Amber probably made breakfast with Andi, do you wanna go see?"

"Andi?" Cyrus said.

"Yea" TJ laughed, "Andi got pretty bad too. So did Buffy. Don't worry, Marty took her home" Cyrus blushed a bit. If everyone took care of their significant others, what does that make him and TJ? Cyrus knew TJ was thinking the same thing.

Cyrus looked over at TJ, who looked oddly well rested. He liked looking at his face, it was nice. The sunlight had softened him a bit. He had seen TJ look at him before, but now it was as if Cyrus were the only person in the world. Cyrus felt himself grin. He felt safe. Cyrus blinked slowly and sighed a little, ignoring the pounding in his head. He saw himself pick a stray eyelash from TJ's cheek. "Thank you," Cyrus said softly, "for everything really." Cyrus looked down and away, he felt TJ move closer. He could feel TJ's eyes tracing every line of his face, every freckle, every scar. He felt exposed, he wanted his imperfections to be a secret only he knew about.  But, TJ knew almost everything about Cyrus, they had spilled their guts to each other. He knew about his hatred of velcro, and how his grandparents stopped sending him birthday cards when he was seven. He knew about his need for validation, he knew about his anxiety. Tj knew  _him._ But he hadn't told him he liked boys. Cyrus felt his heart skip a beat as he slowly looked up at TJ from under his lashes, TJ was looking down at his lips. "Um," Cyrus stuttered, "I, uh, breakfast?"

TJ breathed out through his nostrils as he abruptly stood up. "Yea, breakfast" TJ said.

Cyrus felt like an idiot as he trailed behind TJ.  _I breakfast? Who says that?_

In the kitchen, he saw Andi and Amber eating cereal. He could have sworn he saw Amber wink at TJ.

"Oh my god, Cyrus! What are you doing here!" Andi said, a little too loudly for Cyrus.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Cyrus said as he smiled and sat next to them.

As Andi went over the events of the party, Cyrus saw Amber angry whisper to TJ while motioning to his hand. He saw TJ roll his eyes.

"-and then Buffy smacked Ron Halpin because he shoved Marty, just like how TJ punched Reed in your honor!" Andi said smiling.

Cyrus dropped his spoon, " _What."_

Andi looked at Amber for reassurance, "Uh, yeah, you were there Cy. It was wild." Andi said to Cyrus.

Cyrus sunk in his seat, tears were starting to collect. He said very softly, and very quietly, " _You punched Reed in front of everyone to defend me?"_

TJ chewed his lip and nodded. "Yes."

He didn't know what to think. He was a pacifist. He hated violence. He could never be around someone who could hurt other people. And yet, Cyrus felt his heart grow for TJ. He had done it for  _him._ No one has ever done that for him, not even Buffy. 

After breakfast, Cyrus found himself nervous around TJ. He couldn't look him in the eyes, when he walked by him he avoided touching him. Amber offered to drive them home, and even when they were all singing along to high school musical, Cyrus couldn't help but get butterflies every time he saw TJ smile. Cyrus' stomach was in knots, not because Amber technically wasn't allowed to drive without an adult, but because TJ kept catching his eye. 

"Alright Cy, here's your stop" Amer had said when they pulled into his driveway. Cyrus softly gave his thanks and stepped out of the small car. However, he wasn't alone, Andi had stepped out too. He gave a confused frown. 

"Andi-" 

"Okay bye you guys, stay out of trouble!" Amber said as she quickly drove away.

"Uh? What was that about Andi? What are you guys up to?" Cyrus said.

"You'll see, let's go inside" Andi grabbed Cyrus by the arm and dragged him inside. Andi had greeted Cyrus' four parents, who were having brunch in the dining room. 

"Hey Andi, hey Cy. How was the sleepover?" One of Cyrus' moms had asked. Andi surprisingly handled the situation well, making small talk as Cyrus absentmindedly pet Nala. Cyrus hated talking to all of his parents at once, he knew they were always analyzing him. He had to watch his steps. 

"Cyrus? Did you have a good time with your friends?" a dad asked. Cyrus smiled politely and nodded.

He responded, "Andi and I are going to my room." 

"Okay let us know if you need anything love," said another mom. The parents went back to siping their sangrias and picking at their cheese plate, while the two friends (and Nala) rushed to Cyrus' room. Cyrus quickly closed the door once they were inside.

He turned around and said, "Okay Andi, what was that all about?"

"I can't talk until Buffy gets here," they said as they flopped onto Cyrus' bed, immediately scrolling through their phone.

"What? What's with all the secrets Andi! Tell me!" Cyrus was now next to Andi, lightly shaking them for the answer, but they kept quiet. They stayed like that for another half hour, Cyrus pleading for Andi to tell him what was going on and Andi staying silent. Finally, Buffy came into the room.

"Your parents let me in," Buffy said as she sat on Cyrus' bed with her friends. 

"Okay Cyrus, what do you remember from last night?" Andi had asked, sitting up as Buffy entered.

Cyrus thought for a bit and replied, "Uh, I remember drinking a lot of gross stuff, and I remember being on the ground...everything else is blurry" Cyrus sighed.

"Okay, so not much. And now you know that TJ punched Reed right?" Andi said.

"Yeah, now I do" Cyrus still had mixed emotions on the subject.

"Well," Buffy started while twirling her rings around her fingers, "We couldn't help but see how TJ defended you when his friends started insulting you. He just hit Reed so fast, If I could I would have punched Reed too" Buffy laughed.

"Yeah Cy," Andi said, "and you were talking about him a lot. You kept talking about how pretty he looked" Andi looked intently at Cyrus. 

Buffy nodded, "And he kept looking at you"

"And you were looking back," Andi said. Cyrus frowned.  _Where are they going with this?_

"And he took you home" Buffy eyed Andi.

"No! What? NO. Friends. We're friends. Friendly friends who look out for each other. Hey! Actually, I thought you guys were going to look out for me, but no! Who did though? TJ! Because TJ just gets me okay? Because...we're friends" Cyrus was rambling now. He looked to his friends for help, but they gave him apologetic looks. He scoffed and continued, "ME Cyrus Goodman with UGH Tyler James Kippen? Twin brother of Amber Kippen?! You mean Tj who was born in Kentucky and hates tomatoes? No way. PLUS, he's uhhhh, get this, a heterosexual!" Cyrus thought he had made a very good point.

"Cyrus..." Andi said softly.

"And another thing! Why would I want to have a crush again huh? I'm just trying to live day by day and get into an ivy! I don't need a boyfriend! Nonetheless a jock for a boyfriend! He has a following! He has to keep up appearances, he would never ever ever want to be my boyfriend, PLUS did I mention he's straight!" 

"Cyrus, we're your best friends. We know you." Buffy said. 

Cyrus shook his head. He really really could not have a crush on TJ, he forbid it. He had told Andi about his crush on Jonah, and they took it well, but dropping another crush on them would make him look desperate. And he was  _not_ desperate, he was just in love with love.

"So maybe I like him more than a friend...it's not like anything is going to happen between us anyways," Cyrus finally confessed. He didn't feel relieved, instead, it was as if thirty pounds of stress had been added to his shoulders. He saw Andi and Buffy smile widely at each other. "What?" he asked. 

"Remember those notes you got at the beginning of the year?" Buffy said.

"Yea," he said.

"Those were from Tj" Andi said, grinning.

"Okay, but that doesn't mean he likes me." Cyrus said, "why would he like a guy like me? I'm the lowest on the food chain!" Anyone could have written those notes, his friends were just trying to set him up with TJ. 

"Aaand we also might have heard from a reliable source that he likes you," Buffy said, putting her hand on his shoulder. 

Cyrus' heart skipped a beat, his heart swelled, he felt giddy, but it quickly faded. "Whoever said that was lying. He does not like me. What would his friends think if we got together?"

"Screw his friends! You heard what happened last night. I doubt they'll still be friends after that drama. But, Cyrus! He has a crush on you! How cute is that?" Andi said giggling, "We know you're a hopeless romantic. This is your time to shine."

Cyrus grinned a bit as his nose tinting pink. He thought about how Tj's laugh calmed him, how his words were all he wanted to hear after a rough day, how he made him feel safe. Okay, so maybe he did have a crush on him, but he would never act on it. He didn't feel like getting his heart broken all over again.

"Look," Buffy said, "we just wanted to tell you so you can think about it okay? We know you have us, but Andi and I have significant others and we don't want you to feel like you're not loved. We love you, but we know how isolating being the fifth wheel can be. But, you don't have to do anything about TJ right now Cy, it's all up to you."

Cyrus nodded and hugged his friends, he was glad they had told him, now his head knew what his heart knew all along. 

"You know what else?" Andi said.

"What?" Cyrus said.

"We saw Jonah and Walker kiss," Buffy said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! It's getting so juicy you guys,,,,, ugh. anyway, lmk what you think in the comments. New chapter will be up soon! How do you feel about Wonah?


	9. Unresolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus reacts to new information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating in so long oops. but,, please keep reading!! it only gets juicier from here on out

"What do you mean you saw them kiss!?" Cyrus had practically yelled, Nala jumped. Andi and Buffy had told Cyrus that they saw Jonah with Walker the entire night, practically attached to the hip.

"He's been avoiding us a lot lately," Andi frowned and bit her lip.

Buffy nodded and added, "Plus, Marty said there were rumors that Walker was dating a boy."

"But, Jonah?" Cyrus said, slumped, "Jonah Hercules Beck is straight..."

"No one's straight Cy," Andi said as they pointed between themselves and Cyrus, " _we_ would know."

"Yea, but..." Cyrus trailed off. He had totally believed Jonah Beck™ was 100% straight. But now that he knew he was with Walker, he felt a sudden urge of jealousy.  _He_ was the complicated one,  _he_ was the gay one, not perfect and popular Jonah Beck. Cyrus grimaced, his cheeks felt hot.

"Cyrus?" Buffy said, "are you alright? It's OK to be jealous."

"Yeah Cy, we all know you liked Jonah, it was pretty obvious," Andi said smiling, "but now that means you can focus on TJ! Who has a total massive humungo crush on you!" 

"Guys, I don't know why I said I liked him, I think it's because he defended me. It's because he defended me right? I mean no guy will ever like me," Cyrus said as his friends gave him shocked looks.

"You've got to be kidding right! You've got the toughest guy in all of Jefferson basically in love with you and you don't even see it? You're all he sees Cyrus! D'you think he'd punch his longest friend over anyone? Don't be so oblivious," Buffy huffed, clearly over Cyrus' lack of self-esteem.

After that, their conversation shifted to Buffy complaining about all of the girls that flirted with Marty and Andi complaining about never being able to see Amber because of her work schedule. Cyrus stayed silent for most of it, thinking back to when he woke up in his own sweater. Any other jock would have thought it was embarrassing or dorky, but TJ had kept it. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe he did like TJ? But, at the same time, he thought about how Jonah was going out with Walker, and that made his skin burn. It was worse than when Andi dated him, at least then he thought he had no chance, but now? Now that Jonah was, bi? pan? questioning? Whatever, Cyrus was still bitter. He envied Walker. What did he have that Cyrus didn't? Art skills? He could take a class. He's an artist! He'd won an award for his screenplay.  _Whatever,_ he thought,  _I'll just make Jonah jealous, we'll see how he feels then._

When his friends had left after telling him that their "relationship intervention" was over, Cyrus received a text from TJ. 

From  _Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Hey Cy, hope you got home safe and everything, I'm sorry I punched Reed... Are we still cool? 😬_

To  _Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yes :0 thanks again,,,,,sry i was a mess lol. see you tomorrow?_

From  _Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Of course :) See you at lunch?_

To  _Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yup WOOP WOOp 💥_

Cyrus couldn't help but frown at his own text message.  _Ugh, I'm such a dork_. He immediately texted Buffy and Andi for help. 

To GHC👩🏻👩🏾‍🦱🌈❣️:

Cyrus 💕🕍✨:  _I think I just said I liked him because he defended me, so I'm overthinking it right? Like we're friends, so nothing will happen PLUS HES A HET!!1_

ANDIII😽:  _cyrus stop overthinking everything, this happened with me and amber too remember????_

BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️:  _HE LIKES YOU DONT BE A DUMBBASSSSSS, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL KNOWSSSSSSSS LOOK AT THE VIDEO I DMD YOU ON IG GODDAMN_

ANDIII😽:  _Buffyyyy we weren't supposed to show him that....  
_

BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️:  _he needs to know  
_

Cyrus was never into social media, he only went on to comment encouraging things on his friend's new posts. He even had his notifications off, but once he opened the underused app, his screen was filled with dm's, new followers, and comments. He quickly scrolled through most of them. Many of them asked if he was  _Dating TJ?!_ One said  _Hi cy i know u dont know me but ur like really brave_ another said  _idk who ur kidding, tj is straight lmaooo_ and another said  _hey is it true?_  His heart raced, he suddenly needed to stand up. Where would people get such an idea? Sure, people must have seen TJ fighting with Reed, but he didn't think people would connect that to him. TJ was respected, Cyrus wasn't, why would Tj's actions be caused by Cyrus? Cyrus opened Buffy's direct message, which had been pushed to the bottom of his feed by the time he went looking for it. It was a dark video, but Cyrus managed to catch an out of focus TJ and Reed standing in Iris' living room. He turned up the volume, 

 _"-somewhere else!"_ He heard Tj say, he looked disheveled and sweaty.

" _GOD, What is with you. Do you like him or something?"_ Cyrus gasped at the same time as the camera person. Is this the source Buffy and Andi were talking about? " _So we were right, you do like him! And now you're choosing him over us?! We've been friends longer than you have with that loser-"_ Cyrus' eyebrows raised as he saw TJ's fist come in contact with Reed's face. The rest of the video was a blur of curse words and drunk teenagers chanting " _FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"_

Cyrus sat down on his bed, unable to comprehend what had just seen. Now he knew why he was getting so many notifications. He didn't know TJ could resort to violence like that. Hearing about a fight is much different than seeing that. But, he smiled. TJ had defended him, plus someone liked him! Him! Anxious, depressed, confused Cyrus Goodman who hated loud noises and sports. He felt light and airy, but most importantly he felt needed, more needed than ever. He had almost wanted to come out to his parents right then and there. They were all there, of course, sipping their wine about twenty feet away. He had quickly texted his friends a shocked cat gif and turned off his phone as he walked out of his room with newfound confidence. 

"Hey Cy," one of his parents had called to him suspiciously, he didn't care which. TJ Kippen liked him and maybe he liked him back. 

"Hello parentals," Cyrus said cheerily as he sat in an empty dining room seat, they were still having brunch, which had now turned into wine and ice cream. Cyrus picked at the leftover grapes and popped them into his mouth grinning. 

"You look very happy today Cy, what did those girls do to you in there?" Norman joked. Cyrus shrugged and chucked uncomfortably. 

"Whatever happened to that girlfriend of yours Cy? Ilene was her name?" a mom said.

"No Sharron, it was Ivy," Todd said.

"No, I'm pretty sure it's Isa," Leslie said.

"Guys, you're all wrong. It's Iris. And we were never really together and I don't want to talk about this with my parents right now," Cyrus got up to leave, but one of his parents called out to him. 

"Wait! Cy! Don't close us off so quickly. Just tell us, are there any new girls we should know about?" Shannon wiggled her eyebrows, Leslie nudged her side.

Cyrus laughed a little too loud, "NO," he said, "no girls mom, never." 

"Never?" Todd said, quizzically. Cyrus stopped.  _Did I just out myself through a joke? Am I really boo boo the fool?_

 _"Cyrus?_ " His mom said, "do you want to tell us something we might already know? You know you can trust us." Cyrus thought about how his parents were trained in observing and analyzing. He knew that if he didn't answer, then they'd know he was hiding something if he answered too quickly they'd also know, and if he said anything at all they'd also know. He stood still instead, hoping that some being would impossibly teleport him to a different planet.  _Maybe Pluto?_ he thought  _Pluto is cute, and very far away from here_. 

"Cyrus?" His parents called again. Cyrus stared at the wall behind them, unable to speak. He gave one last chuckle and turned to walk a little too quickly to his room. He put on his headphones, played his playlist titled  **I'M A BIG FAT HOPELESS ROMANTIC** and looked at the messages left on his phone. They ranged from encouraging Bitmojis to angry girls telling him to back off. 

_Oh my god, tomorrow is going to be hell._

Cyrus spent the rest of the day nervously doing his homework in anticipation of tomorrow. Normally, he'd text TJ whenever he was nervous, but now that he was the reason for his anxiety, he stuck to his history notes. He had come out of his room only when he knew half of his parents were gone. Monday morning was relatively quiet, his parents had decided to not ask him about what had happened yesterday, which he was eternally grateful for. However, that was not the root of all of his worry. 

Once he got to school, Cyrus immediately knew something was different. For the first time in his life, people his age noticed him. Everyone's eyes followed him down the hall, to and from his classes, and even during the peak hallway traffic. Thankfully, he had Buffy and Andi the entire day to protect him. Sure, they could protect him from direct attack, but he could still see kids whispering and pointing at him. 

During lunch, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus sat at their usual spot. 

"Okay you guys, things are different now, be prepared." Buffy had warned them both. Cyrus felt uneasy, he knew something was about to happen, but he didn't know what. They had been discussing how to address Jonah's new boyfriend without being overbearing. They decided to not bring it up. 

Just then, Marty and Amber walked up to the table and sat next to their respective partners, leaving Cyrus alone with his muffin for the millionth time. He thought about texting TJ, but he didn't know what to say to him. 

"Cyrus!" Amber said, "I'm glad you're feeling better. TJ should be here soon." 

Suddenly, the cafeteria doors opened and in came Jonah holding hands with Walker. Cyrus made a fist. They sat down a little too happily, Cyrus looked down at his tray. He felt tears pool in his eyes. 

"Hello there," Buffy eyed them. Cyrus tentatively looked over at Jonah who seemed  _grounded._ There was something different about him as if a light he didn't know existed had been turned on. He watched as Jonah talked to his friends, he didn't listen to what they were saying, he was too busy looking at how Jonah looked at Walker every so often just to smile at him. Cyrus wanted that. He wanted someone who understood him, someone who grounded him in reality, someone that didn't make him feel so lost. 

"So," he heard Jonah say in his direction, "I heard that TJ likes you. I thought you guys were already together?" Cyrus thought he heard a twinge of jealousy in his voice, but it might have been his imagination. 

Cyrus suddenly couldn't handle it anymore, from the stares to the questions, to gently coming out to his parents, it was too much. He silently stood up. His friends eyed him.

"I need," Cyrus started but couldn't seem to verbalize his thoughts. What did he need? Something, he needed something. "Something," he said, before quietly packing his things and walking towards the cafeteria exit. Before he could exit, he saw TJ walk in. Cyrus saw the confidence oozing out of him, his stomach churned. 

"Hey," TJ smiled at him, "Where are you headed? Lunch just started."

"Oh, I was going to uh-" Cyrus looked up at Tj,  _Did his face get cuter?_ "I uh, was going to go sit with Andi and Buffy and them," he looked for an escape, but TJ was already turning him back around to join his friends. 

"Come on then silly, they're the other way," TJ grinned. Cyrus hid behind TJ for most of the walk back to the table, the whispers they were getting were becoming unbearable, he wanted to cry. He couldn't make himself look his friends in the eyes when he sat back down.

"Is this the something you needed?" Marty chuckled, Buffy jabbed him with her elbow. Cyrus fiddled with a broken spork as his friends continued talking about Jefferson gossip. Tj had inched himself closer to Cyrus, he let him. He hadn't noticed how different he felt with TJ around. How much easier living seemed to be. Before he knew it, he and TJ were shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg. He still couldn't bring himself to look at his friends, but they were used to his daily mini meltdowns. TJ started to laugh at something Walker had said, Cyrus grinned slightly  _He fits in so well._ He saw Tj look down at him worried, he gently pried the spork out of his hands, it had started to draw blood. Cyrus hadn't noticed.   

"What's wrong? Do you want to leave?" Tj softly asked him. Cyrus gave a small nod, his heart lurched. There were too many eyes on him. 

Tj quickly packed away his things and gave his friends an excuse. Before walking away, Cyrus saw Jonah frown at them. 

Cyrus didn't know where Tj was taking him, but he didn't really care. In the hallway, Cyrus thought he heard a noise. Once they rounded the corner, he saw Reed, Lester, and a couple other boys he didn't know. He gulped. TJ moved in front of him.

"AYYYY look who it is!" Reed said, throwing his arms up. 

"Leave me alone Reed," TJ said, trying to walk through. 

"Bro, we're still bros. I forgive you for the other night. I know you were drunk and shit." Reed leaned in closer and said something to TJ that Cyrus couldn't hear, but made TJ look back at him. 

"Dude, leave him alone," Lester said, pushing on Reed's shoulder. 

"Hey, I just want to know what we're all thinking. So Teej, what is it? Are you still choosing this dork over your bros?" Reed said. The rest of the gang looked apprehensive, they didn't care enough to cause a scene.

"Dude, just leave it," One boy said worried. 

"Shut up," TJ said quietly, "Just shut up." Cyrus saw TJ ball his fists and tense up. Lester moved towards Tj, but Reed stopped him with his arm. 

"Tell us," Reed said. 

TJ stayed still.

"Teej-" Reed had said before Cyrus heard bodies hit the floor. He closed his eyes. There was yelling, sneakers hitting the floor, and eventually, he heard the voices of teachers. Someone pushed him against the wall, someone else called his name, someone else touched his hair. He didn't want to open his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi thanks for reading! let me know what you think in the comments!!! also!! thank you all for the kudos <3 they really make my day :)!!!!


	10. Despiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ must suffer the consequences of his actions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HIIi i the slowburn ugghh it pains me!!

TJ had messed up. This time, there was nothing he could say or do to fix his actions. He had been suspended for a week. Metcalf had almost expelled him, and if it weren't for him being the basketball captain and his clean record, he would have. Instead, he felt the wrath of his parents and sister. On top of that, he had almost lost his job at the gym and was grounded until December. 

Plus, Cyrus probably hated him now. He knew he hated violence. 

He spent the week sulking in his room, playing indie music and sadly eating the cheeto puffs Amber had angrily thrown at him yesterday. 

TJ spent the majority of the week locked in his room wistfully scrolling through Instagram and pouting at his lack of notifications. One morning, Amber came into his room holding a folded towel and immediately groaned, "UGh Tyler James, you need to shower right fucking now! It's like a pigsty in here." She came in a flourish, throwing clothes aside while dramatically pinching her nostrils closed. 

"Go away Amber," Tj said as he laid on the floor. Amber came over and lightly kicked him in the side. 

"Don't be so stupid, you brought this onto yourself." She had a pile of clothes in her arms, "You know what you did."

TJ groaned and sat up, he ran his fingers through his ungelled hair. He pushed up his glasses and said, "Whatever Amber! You don't understand. Now everyone thinks I'm a guy that fights everyone! Like a bully or something," he trailed off. 

Amber smacked the back of his head, "Spoiler Alert: you've been the bully the whole time." She paused, "Why have you been fighting with Reed anyways? You know he's all talk," she thought to herself and scoffed, "I'm glad you're not friends anymore, he always annoyed me."

"Bambi, I'm trying really hard here, I'm just a dumbass kid that can't control himself," TJ stood up, taking the clothes from Amber and putting them in his launder hamper. 

Amber rolled her eyes, she knew TJ only used her nickname when he was feeling sorry for himself. She said, "Don't beat yourself up T, or anyone else up for that matter. Actually, stop hitting people. No one can fix this but you, so get your lazy ass up and change for the better, yeah?" 

TJ laid back down on his carpet, looking up at the skylight he groaned and rubbed his eyes. Amber clicked her tongue and said, "And use your words dumbass," she threw the towel in his face, "and go shower, you smell like a teenage boy, it's disgusting."  

After peeling himself from his spot on the ground, TJ dragged himself to the bathroom and took an hour shower. It was nice having a task, even one as small as showering. Water always cleared his head. After showering, Tj found himself more motivated to change than ever. He didn't want to be the bully anymore, he just wanted to be a normal kid. He thought back to the beginning of the year when Cyrus had told him that it was hard to remember he was nice now. Even  _he_ had forgotten that he was supposed to be nice now. TJ didn't know how to start changing, but he did know his room needed to be cleaned. 

By the time someone opened the door to his room, it was dark out. "T? Are you still sulking?" Amber gently said as she opened his door. 

"I've decided to change my life," Tj said confidently from under his makeshift pillow fort. Amber laughed. 

"Okay T, you say that like every week but thanks for following my advice. I brought you some baby taters from work," She dropped her backpack on his bed and slid to sit down next to him. After cleaning, TJ had decided that the floor was the most comfortable place to think about reinventing himself. He had pilled his bedsheets into a corner, opened all the windows, and sprayed citrus air freshener. He felt productive, he felt motivated. 

Amber opened the box and TJ immediately shoved them into his mouth, "So" Amber said while popping a couple in her mouth, "How do you plan on changing yourself this time?"

TJ stopped in his tracks. He had known he wanted to change, but he hadn't thought  _how._ Amber stared at him and said, "You really didn't think this through did you?" She raised her eyebrows and smirked, "you can't just say you'll be different T, you gotta act."

"I know that," Tj said, scratching at his head, "But isn't a change in mindset the first step?"

"Yea, but you're gonna have to eventually get to the second step don't you think?" Tj was stumped. He chewed on his lip and crossed his arms across his chest, "T? Remember when I was mean? I went to therapy and Dr. Schick helped me sort through what I wanted to change about myself. Do you even know what you want to change?" Amber had pulled his laptop away from his lap and was typing something TJ couldn't make out.  _What do I need to change ?_ he thought hard. 

"Okay, let me help you before you get an aneurysm." Amber joked to her taller twin. "Number one. You need to talk your feelings out instead of using violence." Tj nodded. He had thought that was obvious. He thought he had worked on using his words, but probably not as much as he should have. 

"I guess," TJ said. Amber sighed. 

"Okay. Number two. You need to freaking care about yourself as much as you care about others." Amber looked serious.

"I care about myself," Tj said quietly. 

"Not as much as other people TJ."

"What do you mean?" TJ frowned.

"Like," Amber said, motioning with her arm, her bracelets jangling, "Like at Iris' party, you defended Cyrus but not yourself. And with Reed and them, you stayed friends with them because you didn't want to hurt their feelings. And with literally everyone else you know, you put their needs before your own. You need to put yourself first sometimes," She sighed softly, "What do you want more than anything?" Amber brushed her brother's hair back. He was always reserved when it came to his own emotions, so she knew she had to be gentle with him. 

TJ knew what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to be loved and accepted. He knew he had Amber, but he wanted more. He had his basketball team, but now he wouldn't be allowed to play. Plus, they were never his friends, his teammates were always too afraid of him. He wanted to feel alive, he wanted to feel needed. He no longer had a friend group, his sister was the only person that cared enough to visit him, and his parents had barely cared about his suspension, they only grounded him in hopes he'd follow their discipline, but he knew he could still do whatever he wanted. It was isolating, it was lonely. 

But, there was one person that made him feel like life was worth living. There was one person he knew would be most affected by his actions, one person he knew cared about him more than anyone he's ever known. When he's with him, life feels manageable. When he's with him, he feels unstoppable. Cyrus always seemed to forgive him, he didn't understand why and he didn't want to change it. But, TJ had been violent in front of Cyrus twice, and the second time was worse than the first. TJ thought about how unstable Cyrus had become in the past couple of months, how he seemed to be afraid of more things and care less about taking care of himself. TJ thought back to when Cyrus didn't go to school for a week, how he hadn't noticed the spork hurting his fingers. It broke TJ's heart. He didn't want him to feel pain. 

"I don't know," TJ finally said to Amber. She nodded, she knew what he meant. 

Amber spent the rest of the night sitting next to her brother's makeshift cocoon, showing him self help videos and eating cold baby taters. TJ tried to concentrate on what the over-enthusiastic vloggers were yelling at him, but he couldn't stop thinking about Cyrus. Cyrus hadn't texted him all week, no memes, no videos, no emojis, nothing. It was very unlike him to ignore him like this. Unless, he was being forced to ignore him by his friends, or even worse, he had decided that TJ was annoying and that he never wanted to see him again.  _Yea,_ Tj thought  _that's it._

TJ heard the snapping of fingers and looked up to see Amber looking at him intently, "What?" He said. 

"You haven't been paying attention!" Amber said, she had paused the screen. 

"Sorry I was thinking," TJ said, pushing up his wide frame glasses. 

Amber giggled a bit and bumped TJ's shoulder with her own, "Bro, you need to tell him you like him," she said. 

TJ chuckled, "UH no thanks, I don't need more embarrassment."

"You didn't hear it from me, but I heard that he already knows. You know, considering all the videos of the fight and you know," Amber raised her eyebrows. 

TJ's stomach dropped, "You don't know if he's seen them yet..."

"UH, yes I do. I know everything, remember?" Amber said smugly. TJ's heart raced,  _If Cyrus knows that I like him then why hasn't he said anything about it?_ "Hey, don't freak out on me, I also heard that he likes you back, buuuuut" She looked around his room.

"But what Bambi? Tell me." TJ shook Ambers' shoulders. 

"But, that was before you fought in front of him, and you know how soft he's gotten..." Amber looked at her phone, she texted someone way too many heart emojis and locked it. "Anyways T, it's getting late, I have school tomorrow. But don't stay up too late thinking. Do you want me to stay?"

TJ nodded no. Amber got up and picked up her backpack. "I'm right down the hall if you need me, oh and I don't think mom or dad are coming back tonight," Amber said before walking out the door. TJ was left alone in his room with only the moon as a companion. he had a lot to think about, but he knew he had to fix things with Cyrus. He'd apologize to Reed another day, maybe. 

TJ spent the rest of the week writing down what he would say to Cyrus when he saw him next. He had tried to call him, but it had gone straight to voicemail, he had wanted to text Andi or Buffy, but he knew their friendship was more tolerant than platonic. 

Soon, his suspension was over and he was back in school. This time, when his classmates stared, he stared back. He had a reputation to keep. 

During the two weeks after his suspension, TJ didn't speak to any of his friends at all. Every day, he looked for those round brown eyes, only to be met with judgmental unimportant ones. He had spent those weeks sulking around campus, practicing his math and eating his lunch in the gym where no one would bother him. He was an independent person, but he didn't know school could be so lonely and grey, especially without Cyrus there. He combed the crowds for a familiar face, only to be let down. When he did see someone he knew, they quickly said hello and ran away.  _Am I really the bully again?_

The day before fall break, TJ saw Jonah, Buffy, Andi, and  _Cyrus_ in front of school. He practically sprinted to them. 

"Hey!" Tj smiled, once he reached them. He saw them all look at each other, finally Buffy spoke. 

"Hi," She said flatly. 

They stood there for a moment, Tj shuffled from one foot to another. Buffy glanced at Andi, who raised their eyebrows at Jonah, who glanced at Cyrus who only looked down. Cyrus looked grey, the bags under his eyes were dark and his hair wasn't as shiny as it usual. 

"Hey!" Buffy said again, taking TJ's attention away from Cyrus. "Hey! Hello. Would you like something?" 

"I-" Tj stammered, looking towards Cyrus, "I just wanted to say hi, see what you guys were up to." Cyrus looked him in the eyes, he looked worse than TJ had ever seen him. TJ blinked, his chest hurt. 

"We're fine, thanks for asking," Andi said, "Sorry TJ, but we've given you a lot of chances and," they looked towards Cyrus, "and _we_ don't know if we can be friends with people who pick fights."

"But! Andi, I've changed I promised! I'm not like that anymore." Tj pleaded. He just needed to catch a break. 

"Yeah, we've heard that one before," Jonah said, rolling his eyes. Since when was he so vocal about anything? 

"Cyrus, please," TJ said to Cyrus, who looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't. 

"Sorry TJ, we'll see you around," Buffy said, as she pulled her friends away. But, while they walked away, Cyrus lagged behind. Cyrus quickly ran back up to TJ and quietly said, "They'll know if I call you" he gave TJ a neatly folded piece of paper. TJ looked down at it, and when he looked back up to respond, Cyrus was gone. He carefully opened the paper, it read  _Winter Market on 3rd Dec 1 at 4:30 we can talk then._ TJ felt himself smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for reading so far! I promise to only give you more angst! Please let me know what you think in the comments!! They motivate me to keep writing :)


	11. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The GHC + their significant others go to the Winter Market!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is my favorite, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Whenever Cyrus got a little too depressed, his friends tended to micromanage his life. He loved them, he really did, but sometimes they were overwhelming. Cyrus had wanted to visit Tj during his suspension, but his friends had planned something for every day of the week. During school, they pulled him away whenever he saw TJ. They had even gone so far as to make sure he wasn't texting him, all he could do was lurk on his social media. Cyrus knew they only meant to protect him, but he could take care of himself. He didn't need a babysitter, and yet, he did whatever they said. Cyrus had worried about TJ, he worried so much it hurt. He knew TJ had lost his friend group, and now that the GHC had stopped talking to him, Cyrus worried that TJ had no one at all.

Cyrus had thought about visiting his house, the swingset, the kid's gym, anywhere he knew TJ would be, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He could barely get himself out of bed every morning. Cyrus was frustrated with himself, he wanted to do so many things, but he just  _couldn't._ It was as if all of his courage had been drained from him. He didn't know who he was anymore.

But, Cyrus still hoped TJ would find him, wherever he was. He hoped to see his over-gelled hair in the hallways, his smile at The Spoon, his weird basketball hoodies in the cafeteria, but he didn't. He missed their late night face time calls, he missed receiving goodnight texts with random emojis, he missed having someone who understood him without words. Cyrus had begun to lost hope, until one day he saw his dumb stiff hair during a passing period. He knew TJ didn't see him, but his heart still lifted. That was when he wrote the note he had quickly given him last week.

"Cy, do you like this one?" Andi said, they were at the Winter Market on 3rd, they showed Cyrus an ornament with a tiny snowman inside. Cyrus couldn't help but notice how suffocated the snowman looked.

"Uh huh," Cyrus said as he twirled his phone in his hand. It was 5 already and he hadn't seen TJ yet. If Andi and Buffy were right, and Tj really did like him, then he would have been here by now right? Cyrus hoped TJ would show up soon because Jonah and Walker had started getting on his nerves. Walker kept buying Jonah scarves and Jonah kept showing those disgustingly cute dimples, it made Cyrus roll his eyes. Andi was busy talking with a merchant about the benefits of fair trade and Amber played with the ruffles on her sweater. Buffy and Marty were off drinking apple cider and trying on hats. Only Cyrus was left without someone to talk to, so he trailed behind Andi and Amber, either they knew about his gloom or chose to ignore it altogether.

The friends wandered around the market, picking up nicknacks and taking pictures. Cyrus gave his best fake smile for their Snapchat stories, but it was obvious that being the seventh wheel did not help his self-esteem.

Cyrus had found himself distracted by pocketwatches while his friends ordered more apple cider. He thought about buying one for himself, or TJ, or anyone really, but he just didn't have the energy to reach for his wallet. He sighed softly and wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck, the wind was brutal this time of year. He tried warming his ears with his palms, but it just wasn't enough. He was freezing.

After a little while in the kiosk, Cyrus noticed that he hadn't heard his friends voices in a while, he searched the crowd and saw them at a picknick table on the other side of the market, they gave him a tiny wave, he returned the favor. Cyrus kept wandering around the market alone and cold. He found himself in a kiosk selling cute earmuffs, he picked up ones that looked like the tail of a fluffy animal, he grinned and breathed in the icy air. He realized that it was the first time his friends had left him alone for more than five minutes, he breathed out.

"Those are nice," the person next to him said. Cyrus looked up and up and saw TJ, slightly heaving with rosy cheeks. Cyrus thought he was having a heart attack.

"They are aren't they?" Cyrus smiled slightly and felt TJ tenderly take the earmuffs from his hands. Tj walked to the cashier and bought them, he came back and gently placed them around Cyrus' ears. Cyrus blinked up at him.

"You didn't have to do that," Cyrus blushed, his ears felt much warmer, and so did his heart. TJ shrugged and looked out of the kiosk towards the crowd.

"Are your friends with you?" TJ asked, Cyrus noticed that TJ looked more nervous than usual, he kept scratching behind his ear.

Cyrus put his hand on Tj's to stop him from scratching, "Don't worry about them, thanks for coming. I wanted to see how you were doing." Cyrus took his hand away, he realized that he had left it there for too long.

Tj's nose pinked, "I'm fine," he said, "I'm sorry about, you know-"

"Reverting back to your ruffian nature?" Cyrus joked, it was the first joke he'd told in a while. TJ smirked and rolled his eyes as he looked away. 

"I guess," he said as he raised his eyebrows, "I tried calling you, I wanted to make sure I didn't mess you up or anything..."

"I'm not fragile," some of the color had returned to Cyrus' face.

"I know, but..." TJ said, thinking. He couldn't come up with a good excuse.

"You messed up. So what?" Cyrus said, grinning a little.

"So, you're not mad?"

"I don't know TJ, I guess I'm just confused," Cyrus said. It was true, he didn't know what he wanted, he didn't know if he really liked TJ or just the idea of him.

"Yea," Tj said, "Me too"

They stood side by side like that for a while, trying on gloves and hats and scarfs and things. Cyrus had ignored his phone, he didn't want to know what his friends wanted from him. He was too busy laughing with TJ to notice time passing, Cyrus had never felt more like himself. He was at ease, but he was also afraid. He found himself feeling light and airy around him, he was sure he would have floated away if it weren't for TJ. But, he knew he wanted more, he had never wanted to hold a hand more than he did at that moment, but he didn't know if he had the heart to ask TJ for anything more than what they already had. So, he did the next best thing and held onto his arm, he didn't want to ruin things. The two of them had decided to walk around the Market, it had started to lightly snow but Cyrus didn't really care. TJ had bought him earmuffs.

"We should get hot cocoa," TJ said confidently as they passed a stand. Cyrus smiled and nodded.

Once they got their hot cocoa and found a table away from where he had last seen his friends, Cyrus felt more nervous than ever. He looked down and traced the lid of his cup, he quietly said, "Why do you keep hitting people?" TJ didn't answer for a long time.

"I don't know," TJ finally whispered. Cyrus didn't respond, he knew TJ had more to say. TJ looked around the market and wiped some snowflakes off of the sleeves of his jacket, "I guess," he started and looked at Cyrus, "I guess I just, I don't know. Amber says I don't know how to express my emotions." Cyrus nodded.

"Do you think you need someone to help you with that?" Cyrus asked, slightly squeezing the arm he'd been holding for more than an hour. He had his head on TJ's shoulder.

Tj shrugged and said, "I should, but we only have enough money for Amber to go to therapy you know?" Cyrus nodded and sighed.

"I wish I could help," Cyrus said.

"Thank you," TJ said, "You know, being alone for almost a month made me realize how important you are to me.

Cyrus smiled, "Me?!"

"Yes, you."

"That is so sappy TJ! Who knew you were such a softie," Cyrus had made TJ blush.

"Whatever," Tj said as he smiled an rolled his eyes, "How's your dog?"

"Don't change the subject T, we were talking about how soft you are."

"Okay, so I'm soft? So what? I like fluffy blankets and picknicks and like kittens and stuff..." Tj looked away, obviously embarrassed. Cyrus swooned.

"What other soft things do you like Mr. Bully?" Cyrus asked grinning. He felt giddy. Maybe he did like TJ.

"I don't know," Tj held onto his hot cocoa, Cyrus put his chin on his shoulder grinning like a little kid.

"Tell me one more and I'll leave you alone."

Tj sighed and thought to himself. This gave Cyrus enough time to count all his freckles.  _13_ "I guess I like to make pillow forts and big romantic gestures like in the movies you know? When they announce their love from the rooftops. And I like love notes and goodnight texts..." TJ breathed out.

"That is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard in my life," Cyrus smiled wide, "I love it." They looked at each other, Cyrus put his head on his shoulder again.

"Who knew Tyler James was a romantic," Cyrus grinned. TJ laughed a little and nudged Cyrus a bit. Cyrus looked up at him, there were snowflakes in his eyelashes, "You don't have gel in your hair today" Cyrus said, furrowing his brows a bit.

TJ smiled and said, "Yea, I ran out. Do you think it's worse like this?"

"No, I think it's cute." Cyrus smiled and reached to comb his fingers through it, "It's sooo fluffy oh my godd" He giggled and realized that he had used his left hand, the one that wasn't holding his arm. They were so close Cyrus could smell the detergent on him. He saw TJ look down and away. His breath slowed down and he bit his lip. His heart raced. "I-"

"CYRUS THERE YOU ARE," Buffy ran up to them panting, she looked at TJ and scowled, she angry whispered "What. Are. You. Doing. We've talked about this." Cyrus looked around and saw all of his friends frowning at him.

He had had enough.

"Okay! You know what you guys, I know you're trying to help, but come on! I can take care of myself, Okay? I don't need a babysitter, I just wanted to see him! That shouldn't be a crime." Cyrus noticed that he was standing now, everyone looked at him dumbfounded. It was the most he had said in a month.

"Cyrus," Buffy stammered and looked around at their friends, "we-"

"You what! TJ makes me feel like myself! Is that horrible?? Am I now a bad person?!" Cyrus was fuming. He didn't know where this courage was coming from, but he glanced at TJ for support.

"Dude," everyone turned towards Jonah, who was speaking under at least five scarves and was still holding Walkers hand, "I'll talk to them"

Cyrus was confused as he saw Jonah wrangle his friends into a circle. He sat back down next to TJ who immediately had his arm around him, "Hey," TJ said, "Are you alright? I can go if your friends don't like me, I don't want to, like, cause any stress and stuff."

"No," Cyrus said, looking at his friends being lectured by Jonah, they were too far away to hear, "don't, I'm sick of them meddling in my life." TJ stayed by Cyrus' side. He saw Amber nodding along with Jonah and adding something to the conversation. When they came back, Cyrus had lost most of his energy, Tj dropped his arm from Cyrus' shoulder, and it had stopped snowing.

"Okay," Andi finally said as they sat down at TJ and Cyrus' table, "We understand that you guys are," they looked at Amber, " _very_ good friends, but we just want to make sure you're okay Cyrus." They took Cyrus' hand in their own, "We love you so much and we don't want anyone to hurt you." Cyrus nodded, "And after a very intense argument from Jonah, we now understand that things are complicated and such and after hearing from Amber, we were reminded that people can change, even if it looks like they can't" Andi flicked their eyes to TJ, "so-"

"SOOo, we're taking away the TJ ban and he's invited to the Christmas party," Buffy added, slinking towards Marty.

Cyrus was left dumbfounded, he didn't think that would work at all. "Really?" He asked.

His friends nodded.

"Dosh," Jonah said smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading so far!!! This isn't the end oh no, but the end is coming


	12. The Ocean is Six Miles Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are...okay in Shadyside until TJ has to pack an emergency bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter...broke my heart

From Muffin 😸:  _SKKSKSKSKSKSK WHAT IS THISS_

Sent:  _IDK lmao some kid on the basketball team sent it to me_

From Muffin 😸: I- _  
_

From Muffin 😸:Best thing I've ever seen!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A TINY KITTTYYYYY AWWWWW

Sent: Cutest thing ever right??? 

From Muffin 😸:Thank you for making my day Tyler James 

From Muffin 😸:OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOUUUUUUU

Sent: What?? whats wrong???

From Muffin 😸:NOthing,,,,,, but Nala is going to have puppies!!!!!!

Sent: OH,...mygod....

From Muffin 😸: IKNOW RIGHT

Sent: uhh they're mine now sry not sry

From Muffin 😸:ybflhbdsonsj don't worry we'll have our own puppies someday,, my parents already have people who want them 😭

Sent: That's the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life 

Sent: what type of puppies do you want ill get you some for our future home

From Muffin 😸: YES our future home must have at LEAST 30 puppies at all times

From Muffin 😸:I WANT ALL OF THE PUPPIES GIVE ME ALL OF THEMMM

Sent: hahaha i'll try my best 

Sent: Ok Cy i really gotta gooo but i'll see you tomorrow?

From Muffin 😸: NOOOOOOOO 😭😭🥺

Sent: Underdog...........its so late oh my god go to bed. GOODNIGHTTT 😊

TJ rubbed his eyes and looked at his clock, it was already 3 am and it was Sunday night. He knew he'd see Cyrus at school tomorrow. After last week's winter market, TJ had found himself gravitating towards Cyrus and his friends. He now considered them his closest friends. Wherever Cyrus was, he was there too. Cyrus had even gone over to TJs house to play video games Cyrus was extremely horrible at, they ended up eating canned peaches and playing Mario Cart (TJ let him win every time). Things were finally feeling stable, It felt like old times. He finally felt accepted, and yet there was always something off about the situation. If Cyrus really liked him like everyone told him, then why hadn't he said anything about it? 

"Hey stranger," Cyrus had said to him the next morning after plopping his backpack on the table. TJ didn't care that he had to wake up thirty minutes earlier to talk to Cyrus in the mornings, he was glad to see him.

"Hi," Tj smiled. He was only slightly tired. 

"How'd you sleep?" Cyrus said lightly.

"How did  _you_ sleep?" TJ retorted. 

"Me? Like a baby." Cyrus smiled and laid his head on his backpack. Tj grinned, but he still felt like something was off. TJ laid his hands on the table, lightly fiddling with the straps of Cyrus' backpack. Cyrus put his own hand on Tj's. Tj's hand stopped moving, but his heart was about to beat out of his chest. They both knew they were something more than friends, but neither of them knew how to talk about it. 

"So," Tj said. 

"So...what?" Cyrus said 

"Um," Tj bit his lip, he didn't quite know what to say.

"I used to like Jonah," Cyrus said, as he played with TJ's fingers, "Is that okay with you?" Cyrus looked up at him, Tj didn't know if he'd ever seen such nice eyes in his life. 

He nodded, his lip faintly curling, "Used to?" he said.

Cyrus nodded slightly and looked away, "Yeah, well he's with Walker now...so I can't anymore," 

TJ felt his spirits drop, he whispered: "So, you still like him?" 

"That's not what I meant," Cyrus sat up and took TJ's hand in both his hands. 

"Then what do you mean?" TJ frowned, he didn't know if Cyrus was telling him if he liked him or Jonah. 

"I just wanted you to know that I'm gay," Cyrus gave him a shy smile and looked up at him under his eyelashes. His cheeks were lightly dusted pink, Tj had never wanted to kiss someone's cheek so badly. 

He swallowed the feeling down, he didn't want to complicate things. He liked Cyrus too much to confess, he was sure he'd mess it up if he did. He didn't want to hurt him. "Why didn't you tell me before? I thought we told each other everything?" He said. 

Cyrus simply shrugged and said, "Well it didn't matter before."

"And now it does?" Tj asked. What was he trying to say? 

"Maybe, and you know," Cyrus slowly said as he traced TJ's palm, "You don't have to keep coming to school so early, I know you like to sleep."  

"The morning is...nice," Tj said, looking around, he actually hated the morning, but at least it was sunny today. 

"Tyler James, just say you wanted to see me and move on," Cyrus said, grinning. 

TJ gave a fake gasp, "ME? Never," he said laughing, "Actually, I'm not even here right now! I'm a figment of your imagination, so take that." Cyrus rolled his eyes and gently shoved TJ, TJ ruffled his hair and laughed with him. 

"Okay you two, get a room," Marty said, walking up to them. He was followed by tired looking Andi, Buffy,  Jonah, and Walker. TJ knew Amber was meeting with the student government to go over what still needed to be done for the dance in a couple weeks, so this meant she'd be extra moody when she gets home. 

"Yeah guys, we gotta study for bio, the final is soon and I really really need an A," Walker said as he sat down next to Jonah. TJ noticed that Cyrus had let go of his hand. He saw Cyrus look towards Jonah, TJ felt a pang of jealousy. The rest of the morning consisted of the friends struggling to understand basic biology. During the school day, TJ was met with hesitant yet genuine smiles from his classmates. He didn't feel like he needed to intimidate them anymore, he felt normal. He walked around with his friends, shared food with them, and even gave Andi advice on how to deal with Amber. However, Tj couldn't keep his eyes off Cyrus. He seemed fine this morning, but now he looked deflated. TJ knew the smiles he gave him were fake. He had asked Buffy and Andi about it, but they just looked at eat other quickly and told him to brush it off. TJ couldn't help but notice Cyrus' absence during the second half of the week. TJ tried calling and texting, but he didn't answer. He thought it was something he had done. Was it because he didn't make a move on him?  _Nice going TJ, you ruined this too._

Friday night, while TJ was quietly playing a video game he'd gotten for his birthday, Amber burst into his room still in her work uniform. 

"STOP BEING SO LOUD!" Amber yelled.

"I'm literally playing with the sound off Amber what the hell!?" TJ said. 

"You're just UGH" Amber threw herself dramatically onto his bed.

"What's your problem?" TJ said. 

"You're being too loud with your emotions," Amber said into the pillow. 

"What are you even talking about?" Tj said confused. 

"Twintuition" Amber said, "You're thinking too loud. Have you told him you like him yet?" 

"No..." TJ said, looking guilty, "But soon."

"That's what I thought. You need to tell him soon so that you can shut your mind up and give me some damn peace and quiet. Here, I'll call him right now." Amber went to reach for his phone, but TJ snatched it away from her line of sight. 

"Bambi! Stop being so weird," TJ frowned at his phone screen, he had no notifications, "He's not even answering my texts."

Amber sat up on her elbows, she hummed, "That's weird, I'll text Andi" a few moments later Tj saw Amber sit up and bite her lip. 

TJ immediately stood up and took Amber's phone from her hand, he read a long desperate message from Andi saying Cyrus hadn't been answering their calls either, and when their friends went over to check on him, he barely acknowledged them. Andi said that his parents said he hadn't been taking his meds and that they were trying their best, but they couldn't do anything other than make sure he didn't hurt himself. Andi suggested TJ talk to him, maybe he needed to see a new face. Andi had sent his address in the text. 

TJ frantically packed an overnight bag, "Come on!" he said to confused Amber, "will you take me?" She nodded skeptically. 

TJ really hadn't thought this through. He really did not know what he was doing knocking on the Goodman's door at 10 pm on a Friday, he just knew he couldn't sit around like last time. 

A man in a dark colored robe answered the door, he was holding a steaming mug, "Yes?" The man asked as he looked TJ up and down. 

"Oh move Norman, it's one of Cyrus' friends," TJ saw a kind looking woman move Norman aside. 

"Hi um Mr and Mrs Goodman I'm TJ, we've met before, I came, to" Tj pulled on his duffle bag strap, "I came to see if Cyrus was alright" He gave them his best handshake and smile. 

"Ah," the woman raised her eyebrows and gave Norman a suspicious look, "So you're the one he's been talking about. Come in come in. I assume you're staying since you brought your bag and everything?"

TJ shrank, he really didn't think this through, "If that's okay with you? I don't mean to intrude."

"Oh sweetie no need to use that formal voice, you're here for Cyrus, you can stay however long you want," The woman opened the door wider and motioned for him to come in. TJ had been to Cyrus' before, but not to this house, he did have two sets of parents of course. 

"He's with us this week, " The woman whispered in front of his door, "Please try to get him to take his meds," TJ saw her walk away and whisper something to Cyrus' dad who solemnly nodded. 

TJ softly knocked and received no response. He knocked again. No response. He gently twisted the door open, "Cyrus?" he whispered into the darkness. "Cyrus?" he asked again as he stepped inside and dropped his bag. He saw Cyrus sitting on his bed, bundled in what Tj could only assume were all the blankets in Shadyside. Nala was sitting beside him as he stared into his blue computer screen. A breeze ran through the room, someone had left the window cracked open. TJ walked over and closed it, startling Cyrus.

"TJ?" Cyrus asked confused. TJ knew that if he looked at him his heart would break, he looked at his dog instead. 

"Yeah," he said as he sat next to him, "Your dog's here."

"Yeah."

"Does she always follow you?"

"Yeah."

"Uh, Whatcha watching?" TJ sat next to him. He didn't know what to do with his hands, or his feet, or his with his words for that matter. 

"What are you doing here TJ?" TJ saw Cyrus stop petting Nala, she looked up at them both. 

"Just thought I'd visit is all" TJ quickly glanced at Cyrus, he was right, his heart broke. Cyrus looked completely miserable, he was hollow. "What are you watching?"

"Ocean documentaries."

"Oh yeah? About what?" TJ really really did not know what he was doing, he just knew he had to be here.

"The ocean."

"What about the ocean?" TJ said grinning slightly.

"What are you doing here TJ? I don't want you to see me like this," Cyrus whispered. He looked on the brink of tears, TJ hated this. He hated that Cyrus was sad, he hated that he couldn't kiss him, he hated that they were dumb teenagers with too many feelings. 

"I wanted to see you," Tj said, forcing himself to look at Cyrus' sunken face. Tj wanted to cry too. 

Cyrus looked down and back to his screen, he pressed play. They watched the movie in silence. Tj didn't know what it was about, he was too busy playing with Cyrus' fingers. 

When the movie ended Cyrus burst into tears. 

He leaned onto TJ's shoulder, "I don't know why I'm like this," he sobbed, "I don't know what I'm doing, I have nothing to be sad about."

TJ didn't know what to do, so he sat there and rubbed his back as Cyrus' tears soaked his shirt.  _I wish I could take away your pain._ TJ had to blink back his own tears. They sat there until the credits ended and Cyrus' sobs turned into sniffles. 

"Another?" TJ asked softly. He felt Cyrus nod. TJ played another Ocean documentary as Cyrus clung to his shirt. Tj eventually felt Cyrus' breath even out. TJ tried to pay attention to the movie, it had something to do with the Mariana Trench and pufferfish, but TJ couldn't concentrate. 

"Why are you so nice to me Tyler James?" Cyrus quietly asked. 

"I'm your friend"

"Friends don't do this," Cyrus said, still clinging to TJ. 

"You just-" Tj thought to himself, "You get me, and I want to get you too. You know what I mean?"

"You're easy to understand," Cyrus said. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You avoid your own feelings by fixing other people, you like feeling useful." Cyrus let out in one breath, "And so do I" he added. 

"So I've heard" Tj chuckled to himself. 

He heard Cyrus let out a breath, "Are you staying over?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you have cool jock stuff to do?"

"This is my cool jock stuff," Tj grinned and squeezed Cyrus. He saw Cyrus' lips quirk up. He didn't know a smile could be so rewarding. 

"I'm glad you came today and not yesterday. I was a mess yesterday." Cyrus sighed. 

"Why?" TJ said, "I could've handled it."

Cyrus let out a breath through his nose, "No you really couldn't have. My parents almost called all the psychiatrists in town."

TJ stayed silent for a moment, simply tracing circles on Cyrus' back and hearing him breath. He wanted to stay like that forever. But, he knew he couldn't, "Why'd you stop taking your meds Cyrus?" he asked gently. 

Cyrus was quiet. TJ thought he had fallen asleep, but he finally answered in the smallest voice, "I just want to be normal."

Tj bit his lip, "Normal is what you make of it. You need to take them Cy, they're there to help you."

Cyrus sighed and buried himself deeper into TJ's chest, "I know," Tj heard him say faintly.

They stayed like that for the rest of the night, watching ocean documentaries under all the blankets in Shadyside, until they both fell asleep. Cyrus didn't let go of TJ the entire night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowwoowow the drama of it all !!! Please let me know what you think in the comments :) i love hearing from you guys!


	13. Of Course I Remembered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nonsecular holiday party shenanigans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made this chapter a little longer!! Thank you all for reading I really love all of you

By Saturday morning Cyrus had left his room, by Saturday night TJ led him outside. Cyrus should have been incredibly embarrassed of having TJ see him hit rock bottom, but he wasn't. He never felt TJ judge him. They had spent the weekend watching TJ's favorite old romantic French films and sitting in Cyrus' backyard talking about nothing and everything. Even when Cyrus got hit with waves of sadness and tears, TJ was there to get him through it. Even when TJ had read him cheesy Pinterest poems, Cyrus smiled. TJ never tried to fix him and he didn't have to stay, but he did. The two of them had even attempted to make muffins. They were soggy and burnt, but Cyrus was proud of them. They had made something together. TJ had even let Cyrus see him without contacts in. Cyrus almost collapsed by the sight of TJ in glasses and fluffy hair.

Sunday afternoon, Cyrus thought he'd try his luck while sitting in his yard. They had just finished playing fetch with Nala, "Are you going to the winter dance with someone?" he asked.

Tj looked bright, the sun reflected on his glasses, "No" he smiled.

"Are you going at all?"

"I have to, Amber's planning it remember?" He laughed, Cyrus loved that laugh. "If I don't go she'll literally kill me, she knows where I live."

Cyrus chucked, "I want to go too."

"Not with a girl I assume," Tj teased. Cyrus rolled his eyes lovingly.

"Obviously not," Cyrus said.

"I'll tell you something, If you go I'll go with you Underdog" TJ squinted and held out his pinky, "Pinky promise."

Cyrus gave him his pinky, "Pinky Promise" they shook on it. Cyrus didn't know where it came from, but when TJ went back to lounging in the sun, he asked him "Have you ever had a girlfriend?" TJ suddenly became very still, Cyrus thought he might have gone too far. They never talked much about relationships.

"No," TJ said flatly.

Cyrus thought he'd poke again, "Would you like to?" They were sitting in the grass across from one another, Tj had his knees up to his chest, Cyrus sat crisscrossed with a blanket around his shoulders and Nala's head in his lap.

"No," TJ cast his eyes down and picked at the grass, his dirty blond hair fell into his eyes.  _Just say you like me, Tyler James._

TJ was always honest with Cyrus- this Cyrus knew, but he also never elaborated when conversations got personal. When Cyrus asked him about why he didn't like talking about himself, he said that it was because he didn't think his life was that important.

The TJ Cyrus saw in front of him wasn't tough, or mean, or conflicted, or anything else everyone thought he was. This TJ was considerate and soft-spoken, this Tj knew how to get Cyrus to smile, this Tj had dropped everything to stay with him, this TJ was Cyrus' favorite. The one in the sun, the one without gel in his hair. This version was the most important to Cyrus. Cyrus pet Nala's ear, her tail swished, "How about a boyfriend?" Cyrus said softly.

TJ stopped picking the grass, "No" he said. Cyrus' heart picked up speed.

"Would you like one?" Cyrus asked cautiously, making sure to not make any sudden movements, he knew TJ usually avoided personal questions if Cyrus wasn't careful enough. He didn't know where this bravery was coming from, maybe it came from knowing something he wasn't supposed to? Maybe because Cyrus was beginning to notice this crush his friends had tried to convince him of? He grinned a little.

"Maybe," TJ said, barely moving his mouth. Cyrus thought he saw TJ blush.

Maybe was all Cyrus really needed. Maybe TJ had become a better person, maybe Cyrus did have a crush on him?

The following week of school was painless for the most part, Andi gave him a new blue flower crown, Buffy gave him a million bone-crushing hugs and Jonah gave him an exploding fist bump. His friends knew him well enough to not ask about his absences, but they did notice that TJ and Cyrus developed a sort of secret language. Tj knew when Cyrus felt overwhelmed, Cyrus, knew when Tj wanted his friends to change the conversation. All they had to do was look at each other. Cyrus liked having Tj around, it made him feel protected. He felt brave, but Cyrus still wanted Tj to admit his crush first.

Before he knew it, it was Friday and he was walking in the snow to Buffy's to help set up for their annual holiday party. Not many people were invited, but Cyrus had picked out his best winter-themed sweater anyways. Cyrus was greeted by Buffy's mom who led him into the living room, where he saw Buffy and Andi cutting snowflakes out of paper.

"Cyrus! Come help!" Buffy smiled at him as he sat down on the floor with them. Cyrus looked around the room as he folded and cut the paper. It looked like the north pole had thrown up in her living room. There were tiny Christmas trees next to the bigger ornament adorned the tree, white lights in every corner, poinsettias galore, and rid ribbon everywhere. He loved seeing what changed every year, this time the stockings were stuffed with cranberries and pine cones instead of tiny worker elves.

"Decorations look great this year Buffy, tell your mom she never fails to amaze me," Cyrus said grinning. Every year, they told each other they'd help her decorate, but every year all they do is mess up their paper snowflakes. Andi's were the only ones that got hung on the windows.

When the work was done and the snacks were set out, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus sprawled out on the carpet.

"So," Andi spoke first, "We, your best friends, couldn't help but I don't know....notice that you and our ex-enemy are..." they looked towards Buffy, "Buffy help me out here." Cyrus' gut twisted, he closed his eyes, he always thought better with his eyes closed.

"Basically in love with each other?" Buffy smirked. Cyrus knew this would happen.

"Yes, that you and our ex-enemy are in love with each other," Andi said, Cyrus could hear the smugness in her voice.

Cyrus groaned and hid his face in his arms, "It's not like that," he murmured.

"Cy, how many times do we have to remind you of your own feelings? You're allowed to like him, idiot," he heard Buffy add.

"No one's holding you back," Andi said, lightly poking his side. Sure, no one was holding him back, but confessing is uncertain. Cyrus hated uncertainty.

He cracked his eyes open and rolled over to face his friends, "No one but myself," he whispered and pouted.

If he confessed to TJ, then that would mean he'd have a real boyfriend, and that would mean he'd need to come out to his parents,  _really_ come out. People would probably make fun of him for being with another boy, people may even start to hate him. If he confessed, and the rumors of TJ liking him were true, then they'd have all of these unspoken relationship rules, they'd probably fight and make up, only to break up when they go to college, only acknowledging each other when they friend each other on Facebook in thirty years. Cyrus would be alone in his Malibu beach house, probably with a Golden Globe nomination and three cats, but he'd be alone. That's what would happen if he confessed to TJ. He was sure of it.

"Oh come on Cy you're the bravest kid we know, you can totally do it," Andi said. Today they wore a tinsel sweater.

"it's not just that," Cyrus would much rather talk about anything else at the moment, not when the rest of their friends would be arriving in less than twenty minutes.

"Then what is it?" Buffy asked. Buffy had become extra gentle with Cyrus after his last episode, Cyrus thought that maybe Marty had something to do with her recent soft demeanor. Cyrus didn't respond to her question, he was hoping he wouldn't have to make it so obvious.

"Does it have something to do with TJ?" Andi said.

"No," Cyrus gave a slow blink, he knew they'd figure it out.

"Reed?" Buffy said. Cyrus nodded no. If he was being honest, Cyrus had almost forgotten Reed existed, he never asked TJ about it after that one morning.

"Then who is it?" Andi asked, now sitting up.

Buffy knitted her brows and sat up too, "It's Jonah isn't it?"

Cyrus didn't respond, but he sat up and gave a shallow sigh. He looked at the carpet. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he knew that Jonah was always in the back of his mind. Especially now that they knew he wasn't straight, Cyrus couldn't help but think he might still have a chance. His feelings didn't entirely return, but he knew they could if Jonah asked them to.

Andi said, "But you don't like him anymore." Just as Buffy said, "Cyrus he's with Walker."

"I know but," Cyrus was whispering, his voice always left him when he was nervous, "if they break up, then maybe I'll have a chance you know?" He gave his friends a quick glance. Andi was frowning, Buffy looked apologetic.

"Cyrus," Buffy said softly, scooting closer, "you can't leave your happiness for later. You have a boy in front of you who is totally lovesick, you can't let that slip just because your dream was to be with dimples."

Cyrus sniffled. "I guess," he said quietly.

"No Cyrus," Andi had gotten closer too, "We know you said you hate when we micromanage but do you really need us to spell it out for you?" Cyrus played with the carpet fibers instead of responding, his friends gave each other worried glances.

Andi picked his head up, forcing him to look at both of them, they said, "He left the only friend's he's ever known for you, he defended you at Iris' party, he literally will inflict pain on anyone who dares speak against you. What has Jonah done for you, Cyrus? Break your heart? Say something funny maybe every six months? Respond with only emojis?" Cyrus shrugged, he always seemed to make things more complicated than they needed to be.

"You need to let yourself be happy," Buffy said, "you can't keep chasing after the idea of Jonah." Cyrus sighed through his nose and hugged his friends, he knew they were right, he just needed someone to tell him how ridiculous he was being.

The first person to arrive at the party was Marty with some of his track friends. They all knew Buffy pretty well, so that left Cyrus and Andi playing connect four in the corner until Jonah and Walker came. Walker had brought his art friends, and Jonah had brought the frisbee team. They came over to him and Andi quickly, Walker wanted to show Andi a new art thing Cyrus didn't really understand but nonetheless left him alone. Cyrus thought for a minute that Jonah would sit with him, but he was too busy showing Gus something on his phone. Cyrus played connect four by himself, he didn't have the energy to talk with anyone right now.

"Mind if I join?" Cyrus looked up to see TJ in a sweater with a gingerbread graphic saying  _Let's Get Baked_ in a fancy swirly font. It was horrendous, Cyrus loved it.

"Not at all, is Amber here?" Cyrus expected to see his twin next to him, but he was alone. TJ sat down across from him.

"Who do you think drove me here illegally?" They grinned at each other.

After playing three rounds of Connect Four Cyrus gave his best pout said, "Stop letting me win!!"

"No way Cyrus, you're adorable when you win" Cyrus' heart skipped a beat, he chewed on his lip a bit. TJ stopped and held his breath for a moment, then said, "I got you something"

"White Elephant is later T," Cyrus said amused.

"Consider it a housewarming gift," Tj grinned.

"This isn't my house or my party," Cyrus put a yellow chip in.

"Yea, but," TJ put in a red chip next to his and took out a small wrapped box from his pocket, "I just wanted to give you something. I know you don't celebrate Christmas, so consider this a nonsecular gift," Tj moved a chip around the little table and pushed the box towards Cyrus. Cyrus opened it slowly and smiled to himself, then to TJ, then to the ocean snow globe in front of him. He shook it with both hands, swirling the sand, starfish, pufferfish, and shells together.

"See," Tj said, pointing at the starfish, "that's Asteroidea," he pointed at the pufferfish "and that's tetraodontide"

Cyrus laughed to himself and corrected TJ, "Tetraodontidae."

"Yea, that" Tj said timidly.

"You paid attention," Cyrus couldn't take his eyes off of him, how could someone know him so well? His heart swelled.

"If I'm being honest, I had to rewatch that documentary like five times to remember how to say the name, but I didn't mind, I liked the colors." Tj shrugged, Cyrus saw his lip curl into a smile.

"Thank you," Cyrus said as he gently placed the snowglobe on the table, "I love you- I mean it- I mean you- the snowglobe, everything you do for me, you're so cool for doing that. I'm a waste of humanity and don't have a present for you," Cyrus stammered, he wanted the ground to swallow him, he wanted Buffy to rescue him.  _What the hell is wrong with me?_  He blushed furiously and put in a yellow chip a little too quickly.

Cyrus looked up and saw a beaming Tj, "You're not a waste," he said to Cyrus as he gently combed back some of Cyrus' hair with his fingers. Cyrus slowly blinked up at him and thought he was about to have a heart attack.

After their sixth or seventh game (Cyrus had lost count), Buffy announced that they'd be exchanging gifts. Cyrus got stuck with a pair of holiday socks, but so did TJ. They then played some game Andi had invented and drank copious amounts of fruit punch. Cyrus sat next to TJ on the couch and tried his best to pay attention, but Cyrus just couldn't stop looking over at Walker and Jonah, who just looked so  _happy._ After the game, the party went outside to stargaze and roast marshmallows, leaving TJ and Cyrus alone on Buffy's couch. Cyrus had his head on Tj's shoulder and was lightly tracing the lines in his hand.

"Jonah and Walker are a really good couple" Cyrus heard Tj say above him. Cyrus hummed. Being around too many people for too long made him tired, he was glad Tj knew him well enough to not drag him outside with the others. "Who'da thunk..."

In a low voice, Cyrus responded, "They are aren't they"

"You know," Tj muttered, "I was talking to Jonah the other day, and he said that Walker has helped ground him like I don't really know what that means, but he just seems more, stable. You know what I mean? Like before he was kinda like floating around, and now he's here. He's like a real person." Tj was rambling, Cyrus knew that when he rambled, he wanted to say something important.

"Yea he's good for him," Cyrus quickly added. Right then, in the middle of Buffy's annual holiday party, Cyrus wanted to chase his own happiness. He was tired of waiting for it to come to him. He intertwined his fingers with TJ's. "I've seen the video TJ," Cyrus said as he breathed out. 

"What video?" TJ asked, Cyrus felt him tense. Cyrus pulled out his phone and showed him the video Buffy had sent him, the one where TJ confesses his crush and then proceeds to punch Reed in the face.

"Oh," Tj breathed out and made to remove his hand from Cyrus', but Cyrus held on.

"Tj," Cyrus said firmly and sat up to look at him.

"I'm sorry," TJ said, his eyes cast down.

"Tj," Cyrus said again as he slowly ran his thumb over TJ's knuckles, "It's okay."

TJ looked at Cyrus, his eyes brimming with tears, "I," he swallowed, "I didn't want you to find out like that, I wanted to tell you myself."

"Then tell me," Cyrus smiled a bit. So it was true  _The_ Tyler James Kippen, captain of the basketball team and biggest Jock at Jefferson, had a big fat gay crush on him. Cyrus felt powerful.

"I don't know how," TJ blinked, his eyes flickered up.

"Then I'll say it," Cyrus tried his best to calm his racing heart, "I like you, Tyler James, like in a gay way."

"I like you too, in a gay way," Tj said cautiously, Cyrus didn't expect it, but TJ hugged him. Cyrus smiled into TJ's shoulder, he thought he would melt right then and there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMGGGGGGG what do you guys think??? FINALLY Right??? I know I had y'all in suspense lol sorry about that. Only a couple chapters left😭


	14. I Want To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ is apprehensive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware of fluff

TJ thought he was dreaming, no, he thought someone was playing a cruel joke on him. Did that really just happen? As he sat there hugging Cyrus on Buffy's couch, TJ's world was alright, he forgot about his math final, his parent's empty marriage, the money from the shift he had to take off to be here. Things were okay, Cyrus liked him, he liked Cyrus, there was nothing that could ruin it. But as Cyrus let go of him, the fear set in. He didn't know what to do next, was he supposed to kiss him? Ask him on a date? Ask to be his boyfriend? Cyrus looked up at him and gave him a timid smile,  _Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God._ Tj hoped Cyrus couldn't see the sweat collecting on his forehead.Tj looked around the room and looked down to see Cyrus still holding his hand.  _Are my hands sweaty?_

"Hey," Cyrus said softly, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Tj tried to convince himself. Nothing was wrong, but TJ knew things _could_ go wrong. Cyrus squeezed his hand a bit, "I just don't know what to do now," he admitted and gave Cyrus an anxious smile. 

"Me neither," Cyrus give a soft chuckle. Cyrus wore a cat sweater in a disgusting shade of green, his hair was combed back, and his cheeks were a little pink. TJ felt himself staring, he looked away for a moment. 

"What now?" TJ wished this were a movie, he wished someone could come in and edit this part out. He just wanted to get to the part where they're kissing in the rain or sharing a milkshake. Maybe Amber was right, he did watch too many French films. 

"Whatever you want it to be," Cyrus said as he put his head back on TJ's shoulder. TJ sat motionlessly, he didn't want to disrupt Cyrus. 

"Teej!" they heard Amber calling to them, "Tee-" Amber stopped mid-stride as she entered the living room, her smile turned into a knowing grin, "Come outside, we're making smores," she gave a quick wink to TJ and smiled as she walked away. 

TJ held his breath, "She knows," he joked with Cyrus. Cyrus laughed, it was better than any film score. 

"Twintuition," Cyrus said.

"How do you know about that?" TJ said suspiciously and gave a lopsided smile.

"What do you mean how do I know about it? You two are literally the definitions of it," Cyrus said as he stood up, "Come on, I don't want to miss the smores." Cyrus took his hand and led him outside. TJ stopped him before they got out the door.

"Wait," TJ said as he pulled Cyrus into a side hallway. 

"What is it?" Cyrus said worriedly.

"I-" Tj looked down at their interconnected hands. 

"Oh," Cyrus took his hand away.

"No no no it's not that," Tj said as he quickly grabbed it again. 

Cyrus looked up at him and blinked "Then what is it?" _Don't mess this up TJ._ TJ gulped and heard the hum of his friend's laughter from outside. 

"Them? They're our friends T, plus I have a growing suspicion that they knew before us," Cyrus raised an eyebrow. Tj didn't know what was wrong with him, why couldn't he just let himself be happy? 

"I know but," Tj didn't know what he wanted to say, he scratched behind his ear. Everything was moving too quickly, he hadn't expected to confess today, he hadn't prepared himself. How do you even prepare for something like this?

"But it's too fast?" Cyrus said apprehensive, he stepped a little closer. Tj held his breath.

"You could say that," Tj couldn't look him in the eyes. What was he supposed to say? Cyrus, I want to be with you? Cyrus, you know you're my favorite person and I want to give you all the puppies in the world? Cyrus, you make living worth it, I'm afraid of losing you, you make me feel like I'm in a Jean Cocteau film? He ground his teeth a bit, Cyrus tightened his grip. 

"If you won't say it, then I will." Cyrus cleared his throat, "Tyler James, you're the most caring, considerate, complicated, messy teenager I have ever met and I love that about you. So, if you don't want to hold hands in front of our friends, then we won't. I won't force you." 

"Cy, don't you think holding hands is a relationship thing?" TJ said softly, suddenly realizing that his only exposure to romance came from foreign black and white movies. 

"What?" Cyrus chuckled. 

"Like, don't you think if we go out holding hands they'll think we're together?" TJ bit his lip.

"I guess, but who cares?"

"I care," Tj said. 

Cyrus' face softened, "Tyler James, if you're asking me to be your boyfriend, then my answer is yes," he said carefully. 

TJ blushed, he definitely was about to have a heart attack. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, "Okay," he finally said. Cyrus lovingly rolled his eyes and gently pulled him outside. 

Outside, their friends sat in a circle around the fire. They sat down just as Buffy ended the story of when Amber left Andi at the top of a Ferris wheel, TJ looked around. No one seemed to care that they'd just shown up or that they were holding hands now. Cyrus smiled at him, he smiled back. Andi quietly handed them smores supplies and whispered something to Cyrus, Tj saw him blush. 

"What was that about?" TJ said as he took the supplies from Cyrus.

"They wanted to let me know that they think we're cute together," Cyrus said as he reached to grab the metal skewer, TJ moved the supplies away from him. TJ laughed a little and put marshmallows on the ends of the skewers.

As the night dragged on, Tj and Cyrus grew more comfortable with each other. There were less shy smiles and more laughter, TJ had never smiled so much in his life. They shared a blanket Buffy had brought out as Tj made Cyrus smores. TJ knew from experience that Cyrus liked his marshmallows golden (not burnt) and gooey on the inside. Cyrus smiled after receiving each smore, Tj only ate the chocolate bars. 

After the fifth one, Cyrus gave a dramatic gasp and looked at TJ, "Tyler James stop feeding me smores!"

Tj started roasting another marshmallow, "Tell me to stop and I will," he gave Cyrus a smug smile.

Cyrus scrunched up his nose and gave Tj a quick kiss on the cheek, "Never," he said as he bit into his fifth smore. TJ thought he was about to die, he heard himself giggle. 

The fire died down and people started to talk amongst themselves. TJ and Cyrus kept getting glances, probably because Cyrus was halfway in his lap. He expected stares, but he didn't think they'd come with smiles (or in Jonah's case a thumbs up). 

Tj felt a tension that he didn't know he had leave. He looked over at Cyrus who was already looking at him, Tj had half expected him to be looking at Jonah. Cyrus wrapped his arms around TJ, he felt him breath out. 

"You wrote those notes didn't you?" He heard Cyrus say. Tj was sure Cyrus could hear his heart rate pick up speed, he had forgotten about that. It now made him cringe. 

"Maybe," he said as picked up another chocolate bar. 

"You absolute sap, you did didn't you! Andi and Buffy said you did but I didn't believe them," Cyrus gave him a playful shove, Tj pursed his lips.

"If I'm being honest, they're quotes from my favorite movies so..." Tj mumbled and put together another smore.

"You can say film, I know you want to," Cyrus grinned, Tj put an arm around him.

"Oh thank god, they're Godard films," TJ said as he picked at the chocolate bar. 

"Of course they are."

"Duh," Tj smiled. 

"Duh."

Tj looked out at his friends. Amber and Andi were sharing the messiest smore Tj had ever seen, Jonah and the frisbee team were singing Christmas songs, and Buffy and Marty were laughing hysterically with Walker. He looked at Cyrus and felt like he belonged, like he didn't have to wear his mask around any of them, like his heart was full. Amber grinned at him. He would deal with her later. 

"So," Cyrus said.

"So," Tj bit into the chocolate bar. 

"What are you doing next week?" Cyrus said nonchalantly, TJ knew what this was about.

TJ smirked, "Nothing." He was definitely up to something.

Cyrus lightly traced Tj's nailbeds and looked up at him from under his eyelashes,  "Do you want to go to the dance with me?" 

Tj beamed, Cyrus looked adorable under their shared blanket, "We said we'd already go together," he said as he pushed back a stray hair.  

"Yeah, but that was different, now we're..." Cyrus nuzzled up toTJ.

"Boyfriends?" TJ teased. 

Cyrus blushed and hid his face behind the blanket, "Yea."

"I'd love to go to the dance with you Underdog," Tj paused and lifted Cyrus' chin, "as your boyfriend," he gave Cyrus a gentle nose rub, the butterflies in TJ's stomach returned. He had already decided to wear his old tux, but now that he was going with Cyrus he needed to look his best. 

Cyrus gave him a bright smile, "Next year I expect a grand gesture."

"Next year? You mean for prom?" Tj didn't even know what he was going to have for breakfast the next morning. Cyrus gave him a serious nod. He better start planning.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a little shorter, but THEY ARE SO SOFT I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!!!! Let me know what you think in the comments and thank you so much for reading!!!!!!!


	15. If You're There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys here's a new chapter!! so soon i know wowowow

"I'm freaking out you guys!" Cyrus had to sit down for a moment, "Navy blue or midnight blue?" He held up two bow ties, Andi and Buffy looked at each other annoyed. 

"Whichever Cy, I really don't think TJ Kippen is going to care," Buffy said as she added some last minute setting spray on her and Andi. The dance was in a few hours and Cyrus was very close to throwing up. He hadn't coordinated with TJ,  _Why didn't I coordinate? What has happened to me?_

"Won't notice?! Won't NOTICE?! Everyone will know if we're not matching Buffy! This is the most important thing that has ever happened to me in my life, I will not mess this up." Cyrus had texted TJ earlier that day to ask what color tie he was wearing, but TJ had only said blue. Cyrus was now faced with the overwhelming assortment of blue bowties he owned. 

"Cyrus, we need you to calm down. Why don't you text him again?" Andi came over and plucked a stray eyebrow hair, Cyrus winced. 

"I would," he said as he rubbed his eyebrow, "but I don't want to be annoying. We've only been together for a week and I don't want to scare him off already."

"Really? You think that will scare him off? That boy has been on you for years Cy, he's not going away anytime soon," Buffy smiled and texted someone. Cyrus smiled to himself.

The friends had decided to meet at The Spoon before the dance. Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus sat in a booth away from the door. They ordered baby taters before the others got there, he picked one up, but was too nervous for tater theater. 

"So, are we going to Angel's after party or what?" Buffy said as she looked at herself in her compact mirror. 

"Buffy? Since when are you a party animal?" Andi laughed.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun. Plus we've learned our lesson from last time," Buffy gave Cyrus a knowing look. Cyrus fiddled with a napkin.

"And what's that?" Cyrus looked up at his friends, Andi had made their own silk dress and Buffy wore her favorite over the shoulder dress in blush. 

"Not to leave you alone," Buffy laughed with Andi, Cyrus felt lightheaded. He had really really  _really_ tried to forget about Iris' party. 

Cyrus heard the doorbell chime just as Andi brightened and said, "Here they are." Cyrus turned and thought he had accidentally stared into the sun. Right behind Marty and Amber was TJ who wore a well fitted black tux with blue accents. Cyrus blinked and blinked again until TJ was in front of him. He heard someone say his name very far away, he blinked again.

"-rus. Cyrus?" Tj sat next to him. Cyrus could hear again. 

"Hi," Cyrus said bashfully, he was flushed.

Tj smiled and looked him up and down, Cyrus' stomach felt like a hurricane, "Midnight blue," he lightly tugged and Cyrus' bowtie, "Nice choice."

The dance was as Marty put it, 'Not the best but, nonetheless doable.' Jefferson didn't have enough money to rent a DJ, so Dr. Metcalf was set to entertain more than 300 kids in a dark gym. It smelled like musk, the lemonade tasted faintly of Windex, and the floor was already sticky. But, Cyrus was with TJ, and that's all that mattered to him. 

The friends didn't care about the horrible music or the sweaty teenagers, they danced and laughed and ate storebought cheese with each other. Cyrus thought death was near after Metcalf played 'The Macarena' for the fourth time. Cyrus leaned on Tj, Tj knew it was a cry for help. Tj grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to the table Amber had set aside for all of them. 

"If Metcalf plays that song one more time, I swear to God," Tj said as he pulled out a seat for Cyrus. Cyrus gave an airy laugh and laid his head on the table. TJ gave him time to catch his breath, when he looked up Tj had already gotten him a glass of lemonade.

"For my boyfriend," Tj said smiling. Cyrus giggled and sat up, he chugged the contents in one go. 

"Thank you, boyfriend," Cyrus gave a small nod and scooted closer to TJ, "Amber did a great job on the decorations," he said as he looked up. Sure, everything else sucked, but Amber had perfectly recreated an enchanted forest in the Jefferson Gym. There were beautiful flowing vines, real apple trees, and candles everywhere. It was very romantic, Cyrus felt his face warm up. 

"Yea, I'm pretty sure she forced them to give her the entire budget," Tj said as he took Cyrus' hand from across the table. No one gave them a second glance when they entered the dance holding hands, people were too busy getting pictures for their snapchat stories. Cyrus hummed, TJ had his hair perfectly sculpted again.  He missed the fluffier TJ. This one was too stiff. 

Cyrus poked his cheek, "What?" Tj lightly said. 

"I like your boutonniere, who gave it to you?" Cyrus looked down at Tj's pinned white flower. Cyrus had a matching one. 

"Oh, this?" Tj teased, "Just some kid that has a crush on me I don't know his name though, he was cute though."

"Oh really? Did you get a picture at least? He seems cool," Cyrus gave him a loving smile, he leaned forward and placed a hand under his own chin. 

"Hm I'm not so sure," Tj said as he leaned on the table. Cyrus' parents had taken at least a hundred pictures of him, Buffy, and Andi at Buffy's house before they left. He hadn't exactly lied to them, he just didn't tell them who his real date was. His parents had been keeping a close eye on him since his last episode and Cyrus did not have the energy to fully come out to them. TJ had insisted that Cyrus text him every time he took his meds. He hadn't felt the effect yet, but he wasn't going to go off of them again. Too many people were watching. 

"Well, I'm sure he's really cool and cute," Cyrus said. 

TJ looked amused and said, "Of course Muffin." Cyrus giggled and brushed Tj's knuckles with his thumb. 

"Can you tell me more about you?" Cyrus didn't know why he said that, but he was glad he did. He felt like TJ knew all of him but he only knew half of TJ.

"Like what?" Tj shuffled. Cyrus knew he hated talking about himself.

"Like how do you know Reed and them?" TJ looked down for a moment. The fake candlelight flickered across his face, he looked like a vintage photograph. 

He took a shallow breath, "Amber and I used to ice skate. We loved it, you know? We'd have a little squad at the ice skating rink and things like that. We did it for years, we all kinda sucked, but at least we had fun. Our mom used to love to take us. That's where we met Reed and Lester and Angel and the others. But then one day our mom said we couldn't anymore and next thing we know we're living with our grandparents. Amber cried for days, she never forgave her for it. Our dad wasn't even around back then, or at least I don't remember him being there. And then our grandparents died so my mom got their house. That's where we live now. I don't know, I kinda miss our old group. They were wild but they were my first friends, but now I know why Amber never liked them. She said they were too mean. I guess now that I think about it, they did make her cry a lot. So maybe that's why I was like that. Sorry, did I answer your question?" Tj looked up at Cyrus. 

Cyrus slowly nodded, TJ never opened up to him like this. It made his heart warm, "Do you want to be their friends again?"

TJ scoffed, "No, I just wish I had ended it better."

"Well you still can," Cyrus looked towards Reed and company. He didn't like them, but he wanted to help TJ. 

"Maybe," Tj followed his line of sight and sighed a little, he paused, "Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." 

Cyrus' lungs dropped into his stomach, "Sure," he said softly. There was really only one thing TJ didn't know about him.

"What happened to your bother?" Tj said it very carefully as if every single word mattered to him.

"Oh," Cyrus had never told anyone other than his therapists, "He killed himself. I guess having four psychologists as parents couldn't save him," he gave a sad smile. He didn't want TJ's pity, but he had asked. 

"Cyrus, I'm so sorry," Tj placed a hand on Cyrus' cheek, Cyrus lightly nuzzled into it. 

"It's not your fault," Cyrus said softly, he then added, "and yes, I took my meds today." 

"I'm glad, but why didn't you tell me?" Cyrus could hear TJ's concern.

"I guess it never came up," he wrapped his hand around the one on his cheek and brought it down onto the table, the table was sticky too. The truth was, Adam had been his life force. He had taught him everything he knew, he was his role model and when he died it ruined Cyrus. He had forgiven him a long time ago, but it still followed him everywhere. Sometimes, he'd rather not talk about it. Especially not now. Not in the middle of a dance Dj'd by Dr. Metcalf. 

"Do you want to talk about something else?" Tj said. Cyrus nodded a bit, he felt tears pooling. "Do you want to go to Angel's party? He has a lake house. It might be fun" TJ gave him a tender smile. Cyrus cracked a bit.

"Maybe. I'll only go if there's karaoke."

"Maybe?" Tj laughed and lightly poked his side.

Just then, Buffy and Marty pulled them back onto the dancefloor. Apparently, Andi had forced Metcalf to play modern songs. The rest of the night consisted of Tj and Cyrus laughing at each other's horrible dancing. The strobe lights and loud music made Cyrus feel surreal, nothing he did on the dancefloor really mattered. Cyrus didn't want to think about having to come out or his bio final. He only wanted to dance to songs alongside his boyfriend.  _His boyfriend._ It still didn't sound real. To him, it was as if nothing changed, now they were just allowed to hold hands more often. It felt right, it felt secure. He trusted TJ, and TJ trusted him. 

Tj had even asked Cyrus to dance during the last slow song, "May I have this dance?" he said as he bowed dramatically. Cyrus grinned and held out his hand,

"You may," he said in a horrible English accent. Neither of them knew what they were doing, but it didn't matter. Cyrus eventually just wrapped his arms around TJ's waist and laid his head against his chest, TJ hummed along with the music. 

At the end of the night, Andi, Amber, TJ, Cyrus, Marty, and Buffy pilled into Amber's tiny green bug. Cyrus had to sit on Tj's lap, and Buffy on Marty's, but no one minded. On their way to the after party, they all shared drive-thru curly fries and sang along with the radio. Tj had a surprisingly nice voice. Cyrus felt all the love in the world in that tiny green car, his cheeks hurt from smiling so wide. It felt like home. 

"Here we are, now remember guys, come back here before 2 am. If you don't I'll go looking for you," Amber said as she pulled in behind an already full driveway. They were in front of a wooden three story lake house in the middle of nowhere. When they clambered out of the car, the group was met with the smell of forest and cheap alcohol. Cyrus had a bad feeling about this. 

TJ took his hand, he had a wide smile on his face, "C'mon it'll be fun." Cyrus gave a small nod and followed behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg what did you think!!! what do you think will happen at the after party? will tj make up with reed?? ooooo


	16. Whatever Dude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Afterparty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter gets messy uhhh I dont condone underaged drinking!! Follow the law and stuff!!!

 

"BROOOOOOOOO!" Tj's breath left him as he was hit with an onslaught of bro hugs from the basketball team. He felt Cyrus let go of his hand. TJ assumed most of his old friends would be there, but he didn't expect the blur of chest bumps and old handshakes that greeted him. The team was a bright and loud collection of teenagers, he had thought they only talked to him out of obligation, but he was wrong. They were happy to see him and made sure to remind him of the trashy summer parties they used to have at this house.

Noah pat him on his back and said, "Dude, we miss you so much." Noah spoke like a chinchilla but he was the funniest out of all of them.

"Yea, Abe can't captain for shit," said Wyatt in the back, he was tall but not as tall as TJ, "no offense Abe" he added as he took a sip of his drink.

TJ laughed along with them, he missed them. "Yea, I know I cant captain for shit" Abe was only slightly better than TJ, but he didn't mind. They used to play together after school, back when Tj didn't have to work. TJ faintly heard Andi greet Jonah and Walker, who came with Walker's art friends.

"Dude, the party is lowkey trash but Angel's parents left like hella booze so it's lit," said James. James had silky black hair that almost covered his eyes, TJ would be lying if he said he never had a crush on him. What could he say? He dressed nice.

"Oh shit alright, thanks for letting me know," Tj suddenly remembered that his new friends were standing behind him, he felt Cyrus grab his arm, "Uh bros, I want to introduce you to some friends. This is Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, Walker, um you know Amber, and Cyrus." He nodded to each of them but made the mistake of looking at Cyrus for too long.

The basketball team quickly eyed Cyrus, then each other. Noah said, "Oh my god dude, is this him?" He didn't think he was too obvious about his crush on Cyrus back when he was captain, but he knew he talked about him more than he should have. His face heated up.

"Yea," he said nonchalantly. The music had gotten a lot louder. The basketball team erupted in 'Ooo's' he heard Cyrus giggle.

When they finally calmed down, Noah put a hand on Cyrus' shoulder and said, "Cyrus, bro, run" Tj rolled his eyes, "I'm just kidding dude. Here, jello shots on me."

Noah and the team pulled and pushed the friends through the already crowded home. It seemed as though all of Jefferson had shown up to Angels party. There were kids scattered everywhere; on the stairs, on the couches, on the floor. Everywhere he looked there was a teenager he recognized.

Noah took them to what used to be a kitchen but was now a makeshift bar. Noah opened a cooler and handed took out little plastic cups with funny smelling jello. Cyrus took one and held it with both hands. He sniffed it and scrunched up his nose, TJ thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Being with Cyrus was too good to be true, he thought Cyrus would change his mind at any moment. He really really  _really_ did not want to mess it up.

TJ looked around and saw Andi, Buffy, Marty, and Jonah downing shots like nobody's business. Tj made eye contact with Amber who raised her eyebrows at him. Cyrus nudged him and looked up at him, "How-".

Tj quickly said, "You don't have to Cyrus." He didn't want Cyrus to feel like he needed it to have fun, they were only there partly because Tj had promised him there'd be karaoke. He didn't want Cyrus to get hurt.

Cyrus scoffed and mumbled, "I'm not fragile Tyler James" before chewing through the one he was holding, "Oh my god I love it give me more," Cyrus had the biggest smile on his face, TJ knew he'd have a rough day tomorrow.

"You sure?" Tj said, blocking his way from Noah.

"Yes, I'll be fine," Cyrus ducked under TJ's arm. By the time TJ walked over to the counter, Cyrus had eaten at least five more. TJ chuckled, James tapped his chest and gave him an approving smile. Tj took a couple of shots of his own, he knew he had a pretty high tolerance but he mostly didn't want to be completely wasted in front of Cyrus. He kept his eyes on Cyrus. The basketball team chanted Cyrus' name as he downed a clear liquid TJ knew would probably make him throw up again. He felt someone tap his shoulder, he was forced to look away from Cyrus for a moment.

"Yea?" He said.

James handed him a red cup full of brown liquid, "Bro, we know you're holding back and you want to be cool or whatever in front of your new boyfriend but we won't let anything happen to him." Tj pursed his lips, James was right, these last few months had been stressful and he knew the team would keep Cyrus safe. He had only ever let his guard down around them, he missed not caring about his appearance, he wanted to be a dumb teenager. He drank the contents.

When he looked back up, Cyrus and the others were gone. He felt his stomach drop. He put down the cup and ran out the door. He looked all over the house, in the living room, in the side room, in the dining room.  _How does one house have so many rooms?_ He had to step over kids eating each other's faces and screaming in hallways, he ran by kids from his English class and even the out of tune theater kids that had taken over the grand piano. He panicked, how did he lose Cyrus already? It had only been less than an hour. TJ took a deep breath and finally remembered their old hang out spot. TJ made his way to the patio. It was a huge space chock full of porch swings, fake grass, and tables. Tj saw Cyrus screaming his lungs out while standing on a beer pong table. Tj felt equal parts relieved and horrified.

"TYLER JAMES!!! MY BOYFRIEND. LOOK, EVERYONE, MY BOYFRIEND IS HERE!" Cyrus screamed at the basketball team that surrounded him, he clambered his way down and fell onto the fake grass. The team helped him up as Tj stumbled over laughing. He loved it, the whole thing. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but he loved being with his old friends and his new friends. He loved being able to smell the pine trees and feel the breeze coming off of the lake. Cyrus fell into his arms, grabbed his face with both hands, and gave him a very confident, very public, kiss. Cyrus' lips were soft, he didn't want him to pull away. When Cyrus let go, TJ stood in place, the team and the good hair crew exploded.

"OHHH SHIT!" He heard from his friends. TJ blinked, Cyrus nodded to himself.  _Did that just happen?_ The blush he formed was not the alcohol's fault.

The friends were too wasted to pay much attention to anything for more than a few moments, they went back to their game. TJ blinked again and gently pulled Cyrus aside, he sat him down on a cushioned bench. He pulled out a water bottle he had picked up during his frantic search and forced Cyrus to drink at least half of it. Cyrus had a serious face, Tj laughed, he was still in shock, "How did you get like this so fast?" he asked the smaller boy who was now squishing Tj's face, "It hasn't even been that long," Tj couldn't stop laughing. Everything seemed lighter, the air was fresh and Cyrus was cute.

Cyrus gave a slow blink and suddenly laid down in Tj's lap, "You," he said as TJ smiled and combed his fingers through Cyrus' hair, "Have a crush on me" Tj couldn't stop smiling, how did he get so lucky?

"Yes, and you have one on me I think," he still did right?

Cyrus let out a dramatic sigh, "That is so embarrassing." TJ's eyes started to water, he knew he was a messy drunk but he didn't care, he loved Cyrus so much it hurt. It was enough to bring him to tears. They stayed like that until Cyrus suddenly stood up, Tj gave him a concerned look as he tried to drag him up. "Come on you loaf! Get up boyfriend! Boyfriend-" Cyrus looked like he was about to throw up "Boyfriendleviosa..."Tj decided not to make his life any harder and got up to follow a stumbling Cyrus.

Cyrus was greeted with cheers as he returned to the table he had fallen off of not too long ago. Cyrus gave him a cup, "Try this it tastes like candy" Cyrus pointed to someone Tj couldn't see "One of your sports friends gave this to me" Cyrus slurred. Tj didn't know what it was, but it did taste like candy.

Next thing he knew, TJ was giving Cyrus a piggyback ride through the house. He heard himself screaming and yelling "This is my boyfriend!!" TJ faintly remembered people giving him annoyed looks and yelling back, "Yea! WE KNOW."

Just as they rounded a corner, someone called out to TJ.

"TJ?" Reed was with Lester, Angel, and Tom. They were smoking.

"Reed!" TJ smiled and adjusted Cyrus on his back.

"Reed," Cyrus scowled and hid his face in TJ's neck, "He's mean remember?" Cyrus whispered to TJ. TJ nodded and made a serious face.

"Reed we were bros," Tj said seriously.

"Yea?" Reed blew out a plume of smoke and gave an amused smile.

Tj stumbled a little, "I just wanted you to know bro, that we used to be tight you know and like I love you, bro," he nodded to Lester, "and you" he nodded to Angel, "and you" he nodded to Tom, "and you Tom. What happened to us?"

Reed snickered, "Dude, you're like hella wasted right now."

Tj was angry, or something close to angry, "Okay I know what I am, but words are true so listen up douche" he swallowed, "You're my bro and you know, so I'm sorry about all that crazy stuff that went down and," Tj turned his head to look at Cyrus, "Cy, hun," he looked back at Reed, "hold on," he looked back at Cyrus, "Cy you're falling" he adjusted Cyrus again, Cyrus tried to tighten his grip, but alcohol is never kind to motor skills, TJ looked over at Reed "and Reed! You might suck like major ass but I don't want to stop being friends because people change and stuff and like you're wack sometimes but I love you"

Lester clapped, Reed clicked his tongue and took another hit from the blunt he was holding, "Cyrus are you really chose this guy?" Reed had gotten friendly all of a sudden.

"Don't talk to him," Tj said, stepping back a little bit.

"PFFT HELL YEA REED I AM, SO TAKE THAT I KNEW YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM!" Cyrus said from behind TJ's head. TJ shushed him and chuckled. It was true that alcohol loosened the tongue.

TJ turned back to see Reed and the others laughing as well, "I might have been a bit of a douche, sorry about that, but you know how it gets," Reed hit the blunt again and paused. Lester gave him an encouraging nudge, "We're chill," he finally said. He turned back to Lester who gave TJ a thumbs up and a smile.

TJ would have given him one back if Cyrus hadn't yelled, "ONWARD STEED!" straight into his ear.

Somehow, TJ and Cyrus got to the room with the karaoke machine. The people in the room were mostly talking and sitting amongst themselves. TJ faintly remembered Cyrus getting off his back and running to the empty machine, "Everybody!" Cyrus was already holding the mic "Play Party In The U.S.A!!!" Tj didn't know someone could sing so horribly and so loudly. He loved it.

After the song ended, TJ went up to the microphone with him. Those in the room cheered them on as they horribly sang along to 2009's top ten hits. TJ saw Amber and Andi push them aside. TJ went to half lay half sit on one of the couches as the trio sang songs from musicals he had never heard of. It wasn't singing exactly, it was more like shrieking and laughing into the microphone until Andi and Cyrus somehow both ended up on the floor. After filming Cyrus and Amber singing a song, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Oh my god TJ right?" said a small, very intoxicated, girl in leather pants. She stood in front of Tj with another drunk girl.

"Yeah, that's me, what's good?" He slurred, the alcohol made moving very difficult, he couldn't move anything more than his lips. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"OMG you and your boyfriend are like the cutest couple ever I just- we love you so much and-"

"EXCUSE ME HE'S TAKEN!" Cyrus stumbled over and sat directly on Tj's stomach. TJ was vaguely aware of them laughing, things had definitely gotten cloudier. He stopped listening once they started talking to Cyrus, he was too busy staring at his cute nose and grinning. He faintly heard an exchange of phone numbers and hugs, Cyrus definitely told them he loved them. Tj didn't really know though, he wasn't even sure he was still in his body.  _What was in that drink?_

When TJ regained awareness, he was outside again. He sat next to Cyrus on a patio swing, "- and like" Tj sniffled, there were tears running down his face, "I just love you and I don't know what I'd do without Amber and if I ever die first I want you to tell her that I love her and like you're the cutest person on the planet and I don't know what I'd do without you," TJ was holding another cup of the candy-flavored drink. He didn't know who gave it to him or why he was crying, but Cyrus was looking at him intently so he must have been saying something important.

Cyrus slowly nodded and said, "I think Reed had a crush on you."

They both laughed until their sides hurt and Cyrus was on the floor again. Tj dragged him back up, they laughed again. Tj realized that he wasn't laughing, but sobbing. He held Cyrus close to his chest and slurred, "God I love you so much I want to make you breakfast foods for the rest of your life you beautiful beautiful nerd."

Cyrus looked up and responded with a mumbled, "I love you, I need your hoodies for science" TJ was crying again, Cyrus tried to wipe away his tears but only ended up slapping his face.

TJ turned his head and screamed "Everyone! My boyfriend Cyrus Goodman is the best person on this planet!" Tj thought he was about to throw up, he tried to keep his head still.

TJ heard Cyrus scream, "I'm the best person on this planet fuck you!" Of course, there was no one on the patio so they were really only yelling at the forest, but TJ didn't care. They were both cold and incoherent, the alcohol had made them sweaty and numb but that didn't matter. They were here and alive and together.

"Cyrus," he frowned and looked at him, "You said fuck."

"Oh, fuck," Cyrus was very serious, he added, "I think I might hate myself."

They both snorted. TJ still had tears streaming down his face, "I don't know what I'd do without you." He didn't know if it was the alcohol, or the fresh air, or the empty patio, but TJ gave Cyrus the worst but best possible drunk kiss he could muster up. Neither of them could feel anything, but it was equal parts sweet and disgusting. When he came up for air, Cyrus' eyes were closed but he was grinning.

"Alright you two, you've had your fun, it's time to go home," Tj remembered seeing Amber, the stars, maybe a pine tree or two, but he definitely remembered Cyrus clinging to him as they rode in the car. He thought his heart was about to explode. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was messy lol thank you all for reading <3 the next chapter will be the last :) thank you for going on this journey with me


	17. Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the after party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it ladies, the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it.

Cyrus groaned, he didn't know what time it was or how he ended up directly under a skylight, but he did know that he didn't want to get out of bed. He breathed in deeply only to be hit with a pulsing headache, he rolled over into the pillow. He fell back to sleep.

When he opened his eyes again, the light was twice as harsh as before. He rolled onto his side and was met with one of Tj's black and white movie posters, this one read  _Masculin_ _Féminin_ above French words Cyrus didn't understand. He was in Tj's room, he had seen him at his messiest and he didn't abandon him. Cyrus grinned at the thought. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, Cyrus then realized that he was still in his dress shirt. He sighed and looked around the room, his eyes landed on a neatly folded pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. He dragged himself to the pile and picked up the note placed on top. He opened it, it read  _Thought you might like these, meet me in the kitchen._ The note was on top of a pile of Tj's hoodies, a towel, and a fluffy light purple blanket. Cyrus smiled and heaved himself to the bathroom to take a shower.

"Good afternoon sleepy head," Tj smiled at him as Cyrus walked into the kitchen. Cyrus sat on the countertop. TJ was scrambling eggs, he turned down his sad indie music.

"What time is it? I think I lost my phone." Cyrus still had his eyes half closed but at least now he was in Tj's hoodie and had a blanket around his shoulders.

"It's 2" Tj stood in front of Cyrus, he combed his fingers through Cyrus' unruly hair and chuckled.

"Post meridiem?"

"Yes Cyrus, pm," Tj hummed and put something in the toaster, Cyrus yawned.

"Where's Amber?" Cyrus vaguely remembered being put into her car yesterday.

"In her room with Andi, Buffy went with Marty and Jonah and them," TJ had glasses on again, Cyrus grinned at the sight.

"How long have you been up?" Cyrus rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Not long, and you didn't lose your phone, Amber has it." The memories of last night flushed over Cyrus, he remembered singing or screaming or both, standing on a table, and Tj kissing him. He blushed furiously, TJ noticed. "Do you remember anything?" Tj asked him quietly.

"A little," more like only the first twenty minutes.

"Here," Tj pulled out his phone and scrolled through his photos. He showed Cyrus a dark video of him and Andi singing a horrible rendition of Defying Gravity from Wicked, it was completely embarrassing, to say the least.

"Oh my god," Cyrus hid his face in his hands and leaned on TJ's chest, "was I really that messy?"

"Oh don't worry Muffin, we were both trashed," Tj showed him drunk selfies Tj and Cyrus took last night. They both looked incredibly gone. They couldn't stop laughing at each other, it was fantastic. TJ went over to take the bagels out of the toaster. He handed a plate with cream cheese, bagels, and eggs to Cyrus who gladly inhaled it. Tj leaned on the counter and looked at Cyrus very intently, "Cyrus," he said.

Cyrus's stomach dropped, did he look horrible all of a sudden? Was TJ about to dump him? "Yes?" he said carefully putting down his bagel. He was about to break up with him, he was sure of it. Cyrus had been trying very hard to look as happy as he could now that he was with TJ, but what if TJ saw straight through that? Suddenly loving yourself is impossible, but Cyrus was working on it. At least now he knew he had someone who understood him. He didn't want to lose TJ already, it was too soon. It was too new, it was still awkward. Did he scare Tj off already? 

"I meant everything I said last night."Cyrus didn't know what he was talking about.

"What did you say last night?" Cyrus wrapped the blanket tighter around himself.

"That," Tj looked down and chewed on his lip, "That I don't know what I'd do without you and that I think I'm in love with you."

Cyrus fought back tears, Tj didn't mean it. He couldn't have meant it. He was still dreaming, Tj was probably still drunk. Cyrus cast his eyes down and said very quietly, "I don't think I'm what you want TJ." He didn't want TJ to get his hopes up, he didn't want anyone else to be disappointed in him.

TJ lightly placed his palm on Cyrus' cheek, "Cyrus don't say that-"

"But it true, I can't do anything right, everyone says I'm a wimp, and you probably only kissed me yesterday because you were drunk," Cyrus played with the strings of TJ's hoodie, he was pouting.

TJ smirked and gently stroked Cyrus' cheekbone, "So that's what this is about?"

"What?" Cyrus said looking up.

"You just want me to kiss you again." Cyrus' eyes widened, his nose pinked, he quickly looked up at TJ. It wasn't the only reason, but Cyrus did want to kiss him again, he couldn't really feel the last one. "I knew it," Tj gave a shy smile, Cyrus didn't know where his words had gone. 

Cyrus slowly blinked and inched himself closer to Tj, he brought his hand up to TJ's cheek. Tj gave a small smile and looked down. Cyrus' heart definitely was not about to slow down anytime soon, he took in a shallow breath. It wasn't his first kiss, but this one was the most important. Cyrus lightly traced TJ's laughter line and bumped noses with TJ. Tj finally closed the gap. It was sweet and not as disgusting as last night's, this time Cyrus could actually feel Tj's lips. They were surprisingly soft, Cyrus didn't want to pull away. His insides felt as fuzzy as the blanket around him, he let out a soft giggle.

When he opened his eyes TJ said, "You know," he was leaning on the countertop again, "You were the one that kissed me first yesterday," he bit into a bagel.

"I, Wha-" Cyrus stammered. How could he have forgotten that?

"Tyler should we get a cat?" Said a bellowing voice, Cyrus was startled, he almost got off the counter but TJ gave him an encouraging tap saying it was alright to stay. A woman lightly strolled into the kitchen wearing a bright pink fur-lined robe, she held a canned bloody mary.

"Hey mom, why do you want a cat?" TJ chuckled and handed her a bagel as she gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Why not, do you want one or no?" Tj's mom briskly looked over Cyrus then looked back at her son.

"Whatever you want mom," TJ nodded to Cyrus, "This is Cyrus, you know about him."

"Ah yes, Cyrus," she raised a very sharp eyebrow, "Do you think we should get a cat?" She very much expected him to answer her question.

Cyrus was taken aback, he looked towards TJ for support, "Um." TJ gave him an amused smile and an equally sharp raised eyebrow. Cyrus saw the resemblance.

"Wouldn't a little kitten be cute? We could name her petunia or daisy, right Cyrus?" The woman was very blonde, Cyrus thought she looked like a star from one of TJ's old French movies.

"Well," Cyrus cleared his throat, "cats are very good pets Mrs. Kippen, they're clean and self-sufficient." Cyrus gave his best polite smile despite having a horrible headache.

"Oh, I like you, Cyrus. You can stay," the woman gave a blinding smile.

" _Mom,"_ Tj said through gritted teeth.

Tj's mom ruffled her son's hair and said, "Alright Tyler don't be rude, I'll pick up a kitten this afternoon. I'm grabbing lunch with your father, call the police if you need anything." She picked up her purse and walked out of the kitchen in a flourish. Cyrus didn't speak until he heard the front door close.

"Is she going outside in a robe?" Cyrus was very confused at what just happened. 

TJ leaned his elbows on the kitchen counter and played with the blanket wrapped around Cyrus, "Yea," he said, "She always buys clothes in a robe. She says it clears her mind. She used to take me and Amber when we were younger."

"I like her," Cyrus said cracking a smile.

TJ laughed to himself, "Yea, people usually do."

Cyrus wished he had eccentric parents, instead, he got two sets of boring, thoughtful, and sensible adults. He loved him, but they were drab. "What does she do?" Cyrus asked him.

TJ gave Cyrus another bagel and said, "She's a realtor but," he took in a breath, "she's not very good at selling houses. She usually just drinks wine with her friends and gambles with our dad."

"How chaotic," Cyrus said, maybe he didn't need quirky parents, stability was nice.

TJ smiled up at him and leaned on Cyrus' thigh, "They try to be good parents, but sometimes it doesn't work out very well. That's why Amber and I try to do our own things, they can be a lot to handle and that's just our mom. You haven't met our dad yet."

"Do you want me to?" Cyrus asked. He had known that there was something up with Tj's family life, but he didn't know it was this hectic.

"If you want to meet him, I don't know when though. I barely see him as it is," Tj roughly ran a hand through his own fluffy dirty blonde hair, Cyrus nudged it away and replaced it with his own gentler hand.

"Do you want to meet my parents? I think they'd like you," he said as he ran his fingers through Tj's hair.

"Do you want me to?" Tj looked up at him and smiled. Cyrus would do anything for that smile.

"I think so," Cyrus said smiling. TJ stood up and turned his music back on. Cyrus affectionally rolled his eyes, he was trying very hard to live in the moment. He hadn't had a depressive episode in a while, but he knew the new medication he was taking wouldn't kick in for a couple months. Some days were better than others, but at least he had TJ to help him through it. At least he didn't feel as alone. 

TJ grabbed the dirty dishes from him and started washing them, Cyrus hopped off the counter and went to help, but TJ blocked his way.

"Tyler James!" Cyrus said laughing, "Let me help!"

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, thank you for reading let me help! Feel free to message me on tumblr @frisbee-camp I love hearing what you guys have to say. I can't believe it's over so soooon omg. Maybe I'll add a bonus chapter sometime in the future?


	18. Bonus Chapter: Why would I forget that?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year and three months after Tyrus canons, TJ must decide where to go to college. How will Cyrus handle it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO welcome back!! Remember this story? Depressed Cyrus?? Wonah?? Reed getting punched a bunch of times??? UNderagE DRinKiNG???? Film bro TJ?? TJ is in the grade above the ghc with amber in this btw.. well enjoy this bonus chapter! LMk what you think and message me on tumblr url: frisbee-camp!!!

“T you gotta eat something,” Cyrus gently coaxed TJ’s face away from his computer screen, he had spent all day furiously typing and deleting and retyping his common app essay. He had no idea what to write about, he had told Cyrus that no college would ever accept him. He had said that he was just another white boy who wanted to study film. Cyrus hated when he put himself down like that, but he was right. TJ was just average in the eyes of the college admission process.

TJ frowned at Cyrus as he cleared space to sit on the dining room table. They had been together for a little more than a year now. One year, two months, and three days to be exact thought Cyrus. Cyrus handed TJ a plate of steaming pasta freshly ordered off of Grubhub. TJ smiled a bit as he took it.

“Thanks,” he grumbled as he swirled fettuccini Alfredo around his fork. Cyrus knew college applications made him irritable and grumpy, but he didn’t mind. He knew he could always get him to smile with Tyler James’ favorite food group (cheese).

“And what do we say?” Cyrus pried. The last year had been life-changing for Cyrus, he had started to be bolder, less afraid of uncertainty and judgment.

“Thank you, Cyrus,” Tj mumbled as he scooped heaps of the pasta into his mouth.

“And?”

“And I love youuu” Tj smiled sweetly at his boyfriend.

“Thank you T, I love you too.” Cyrus grinned and hopped off the table. “Come on,” he said, “take a break. Maybe we could find some inspiration outside.” Tj got up and hesitated, “Yes T, you can bring the pasta with you,” Cyrus added as he took his hand.

It was brisk outside in TJ’s backyard, the flowers were in full bloom and the night was full of hope. They sat on TJ’s grandparent’s old lawn chairs, in silence while TJ finished his food. It didn’t take long.

“You eat so fast, you’re going to get sick,” Cyrus said.

“You’re the one making me sick,” TJ chuckled and grinned at Cyrus. “Loooove sick” Cyrus rolled his eyes at the cheesy joke but smiled on the inside.

“Think of a better joke next time,” Cyrus said calmly as he leaned into the old chair.

“What?” Tj gave a dramatic gasp and smiled wide “next time you nag me?”

Cyrus closed his eyes, “Whatever,” he said as he imagined them as an old couple, lovingly annoying the heck out of each other, “I still love you.”

Cyrus felt TJ grab his hand, “I know, I love you too.”

They stayed like that for a long time, holding hands with closed eyes, their breaths synchronizing and the moon softly illuminating them in the grey moonlight. This was it. This was what Cyrus had hoped for when he agreed to be with TJ, this calm, this balance, this stability. It was what he felt when TJ was near, he felt invincible and calmed, like a hummingbird resting on a branch. He breathed out.

“You know,” TJ finally whispered after a long time, “this is where I finally realized I liked you.”

Cyrus hummed and finally said, “Liked? Past tense?” TJ lightly laughed. Cyrus would do anything for that laugh.

“You know what I mean Cyrus,” Cyrus’ eyes were still closed but he knew TJ was looking at him with that soft look that made his insides turn liquid. He opened his eyes and found him staring at him. He melted.

“I know,” Cyrus said with a sly smile, “you’re mom told me.”

Tj’s eyes widened and he sat up, “My mom told you?!”

“Yeah,” Cyrus stayed calm, “we’re friends. She said that Amber told her. Cute right?”

“Oh my God, so that’s where you go when I’m doing homework? You hang out with my mom?” Tj sat with his mouth open, Cyrus thought it was absolutely adorable. “That is so embarrassing what the hell.” They both laughed as TJ started connecting the dots. The coupons he found in Cyrus’ backpack a couple of months back, the inside jokes between them, Cyrus coming back to Tj’s room with canned bloody Mary’s. Cyrus watched as TJ shook his head and slumped back into the lawn chair. “You’re ridiculous,” he finally said and settled into a light smile.

“Maybe so Tyler James, maybe so.”

When they decided to go back inside, TJ moved his college station to the living room where he sat crisscrossed on the floor while Cyrus laid down with his head in TJ's lap. Things had calmed in the past year, Andi and Amber were the epitome of perfect girlfriends, Marty and Buffy still adored each other, Jonah and Walker had broken up but they were still friends, and he and TJ were, well, an old married couple. Cyrus had finished his homework for the week. He normally spent most of his time at Tj's house now. He hadn't come out to his parents officially yet, but they did catch him and TJ kissing on the porch a couple of weeks after they had gotten together. It was strange, Cyrus expected a sit down with lots of therapist talk but instead, they never spoke directly of it. Instead, they would sprinkle in phrases like, So how's your boyfriend and You know Cyrus, that boyfriend of yours is good to you why don't you invite him over? Tj had already known his parents, but sitting down for an actual dinner was awkward and Cyrus hated it at first until he saw his parents laughing at Tj's jokes and asking him for his pie receipt. He had focussed so much on the bad that he forgot that maybe things just sort of...work out on their own. 

He felt Tj's cat Petunia sit on his chest. He was a shiny light brown cat with crystal blue eyes that glowed even in daylight. Cyrus had picked him out with Tj's mom, but TJ didn't know that. Cyrus lightly scratched at Petunia's chin, who immediately nuzzled into the touch and purred as he laid on Cyrus' chest. 

"What are you writing about now?" Cyrus asked as he looked up at TJ who was now clack clack clacking away at his laptop. 

"About how my boyfriend is better friends with my mom than I am." 

"You'd definitely get into an ivy with that one."

"I don't need an ivy, I need UCLA" TJ frowned at his screen, the light made him look flushed out and ghostly. The essay wasn't due for another two months, but TJ had already finished every other part of the application. He had never seen TJ so set, so driven, it was nice but it terrified him. California wasn't that far, only an hour or so flight, but an hour is an hour. In an hour he could die or crash his car or fall off a cliff or worse, TJ could stop loving him in an hour. He would find himself a cute artsy film boy and forget about Cyrus altogether. Cyrus was excited for TJ on the outside, but he was horrified. Cyrus had been thinking about college for years now, but thinking is different from actually having to go. He didn't want TJ to leave him already, they had only had so much time together. 

Cyrus later explained this to TJ's mom while they shopped for holiday gifts in late Autumn, a couple of weeks after TJ had sent in ten applications to colleges around the country. 

"Well Cyrus, you know what I always say," TJ's mom said as she floated through the department store in her signature pink fur-lined robe. She answered herself before Cyrus could even understand the question. "There is no greater punishment than that of being abandoned to one's self," she said in one breath before sipping on a mug tumbler Cyrus knew she had filled with something vaguely fruity and definitely alcoholic.

"You've literally never said that before Dawn," Cyrus said. He loved Tj's mom for all the reasons she annoyed TJ. She was erratic and outspoken and her advice was absolutely horrible in every single way. She'd tell him to leave the country every time he was mildly inconvenienced. It was this ridiculousness that always brought Cyrus back to his senses. 

She sighed and put an entire rack of clothes in her cart, "What I have or haven't said in the past doesn't matter. If tyler leaves then I know you will wallow in pain, but that's the point no? Young love and all that. If he stays you will also wallow in pain because you'd feel like you held him back from his dreams. There is no winning. No one ever wins except The Man. Do not let The Man win, no matter what." They had made their way to the shoe aisle and Dawn was now sitting trying on heels in the mirror. 

Cyrus frowned at no one and nothing in particular. He hated this moment. He just wanted Tj to decide already, but he knew that decisions wouldn't be out until spring. He felt Dawn push back his hair out of his face, just like how TJ does when he wants to say something important. 

"Cyrus honey," Dawn's blonde hair fell in perfect curls around her face, "I can't pretend to know how you feel, but I do know that I was in love once," her voice was softer now, genuine. She sounded like TJ during their midnight facetime calls. "And I know that it hurts, that it makes you feel like you're on top of the world one second and down in the darkest dungeon of hell the next. But you can't stop that from you enjoying it because you'll always remember it. Now please help me get this heel off my foot. It's cutting off my circulation."

So, as Cyrus sat on the floor of the Nordstroms Rack pulling a seven-inch heel off Dawn's left foot, he let go. Not of the shoe, but of TJ. He wanted him to live his life, with or without him. He wasn't going to break up with him, he just didn't want to emotionally tether him to Shadyside, this town of less than a thousand, in the middle of fucking nowhere. 

The winter in Shadyside was brutal, unrelenting, and cozy with TJ beside him. Cyrus tried being less clingy, he called TJ less, only slept over at his house twice a week instead of their usual alternating schedule, and didn't dare talk about the future. TJ had been so anxious waiting for college decisions to come that he barely noticed. It was limbo, but Cyrus knew it was for the better. It would be too hard for both of them if Tj left one day and never came back. 

One day, the day before Cyrus' birthday and UCLA admissions decisions, Tj and Cyrus found themselves in the park with the swings. They sat in silence, swinging slowly.

Finally, Cyrus spoke, "Tyler James Tanner Kippen, I want you to know that whatever happens tomorrow, I love you no matter what. If you get in or not or decide to leave or not I'll support you and you shouldn't stay here, no offense to Utah or whatever but this place sucks and if you go to Shadyside College I'll kill you dead with my own two hands and force you to transfer and-"

"Cyrus-" TJ stared at him.

"And! I'm not finished Tyler! And you need to freaking live your life and if that means going to California or France or the freaking Serengeti you need to go-" Cyrus was angry and blotchy and it felt like his lungs were about to burst.

"Cyrus," Tj cut in, "I don't deserve you. I haven't been there for you the past couple of months and I'm sorry I really am. I-" Tj stammered and looked down and away, "this year has been so weird, college is so weird and I don't want to leave you and I won't I promise I just, I don't know what's next."

Cyrus softened a bit, he bit his lip. "I'm scared," Cyrus said through tears. Tj wiped away a few tears of his own and grabbed his hand. It felt like Cyrus had just gotten used to the feeling, he hated knowing that in a few months the feeling could be gone and he would be stranded. 

"I'm scared too," Tj admitted. Cyrus felt Tj's hand tighten, "Cy you need to promise me that wherever I go you don't follow."

"Wha- What? What do you mean?" Cyrus gave a confused look. Was he breaking up with him?

"I don't mean it like that I just mean that wherever I go you can't just follow because I'm your boyfriend. I want you to decide what's best for you not for us." Tj swallowed hard and continued, "Pinky promise."

They shook their pinkies, "Pinky Promise" Cyrus affirmed. 

The next day Cyrus didn't see Tj at school. He had woken up to Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty throwing balloons and confetti in his face screaming Happy Birthday at the top of their lungs. He laughed but couldn't help but notice TJ's absence. He knew today was the day most college decisions came out and TJ would probably be home refreshing his UC portal until 3:00. He understood, he felt selfish for wanting TJ all to himself. 

School that day was as boring as always, but his friends had promised they'd do something fun after school. 

"We're going to the freaking zoo Cyrus!!" Andi and Buffy had screamed in his ear right after throwing more confetti in his face that morning. He loved the zoo sure, but he hadn't talked to TJ all day. No texts, no calls, no facebook messenger notifications. Nothing. Matter of fact, the more he looked around, the more he noticed just how many seniors had skipped the day. None of the jocks were at school, nor the theater kids, it was empty in more ways than one. 

After the last bell, Cyrus' friends basically dragged him to the zoo. They knew he missed TJ and wanted to make up for it in the more over-the-top ways. Andi kept buying him cotton candy and Marty even bought him a koala backpack. Buffy even gave him a piggyback ride most of the way around the park. Cyrus was grateful but after an hour wandering the zoo, he was exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep. He looked at his watch and saw 3:00 come and go. He sighed as his friends dragged him around one last corner, by now he was barely hanging onto Buffy's back. He huffed into her hair. 

"SURPRISE!!!" Cyrus screamed a high pitch wail as his friends and family appeared out of seemingly nowhere. He hadn't noticed that he'd been navigated into an indoor event space, crawling with dinosaur dioramas and cardboard cutouts of kangaroos with party hats. He was still slightly panicking on the floor when someone dragged him up.

"Surprise. Happy Birthday." smiled Tj softly, Cyrus just stared at him and looked around in disbelief, "What? Did you think I forgot? "Cyrus gave him another look, "I skipped to help set it up." Tj smiled wide and gave him a quick peck on the lips and led him to the others. 

Cyrus' entire family was there. Both sets of parents, uncles, aunts, TJ's friends from the basketball team, some of Walker's art friends who spoke in riddles, Amber and her friends, and even some of Jonah's old frisbee friends. They were all there for him. For him. He gave a wide smile and joined the party. 

Once the excitement died down and everyone was full of chocolate cake, Cyrus pulled TJ aside and raised an eyebrow. TJ sighed and looked back at his mom Dawn and his twin sister Amber, "No luck," he said defeated, "denied." Cyrus felt his heartbreak for him, he wanted to send everyone home and grieve with TJ.

"You can always transfer in," Cyrus gave his last shred of advice, but he knew it was futile. TJ would never go somewhere where he wasn't the first choice. Tj softly smiled and held Cyrus' cheek in his hand.

He gave Cyrus a sweet kiss, "I love you Muffin," he said and walked back to the crowd. 

Tj spent the next few weeks sitting quietly waiting for other decisions to roll in. The sadness from his rejection from UCLA was short-lived as he was accepted to basically every other school (except the ivy's of course). TJ even received a full ride to New York University, his second choice. He was ecstatic. He had spent so much time thinking about UCLA that he forgot that there were other universities. 

"Wow," Cyrus said longingly, "New York City." 

The summer went by too quickly for Cyrus' taste. TJ spent most days talking and researching what to do in New York City. Cyrus tried to be happy he really did, but Cyrus cried every time Tj said goodbye, even if he was just going home to check up on his mom. Then the day came where TJ packed up his room, and then came the day where he drove him to the airport, and then the first day he wasn't in Shadyside at all. 

Amber decided to take a gap year to volunteer in a country Cyrus couldn't pronounce the name of, so he spent a lot of time grieving with Andi. It was lonely and the school year sucked but he tried to enjoy it the most he could. He would get calls from TJ every day so it never really felt like he was all that far away. He'd tell him about his classes, and the parties, and how everyone in New York was mean unless someone needed help. Cyrus had told TJ that he could break up with him to be a free college kid, but TJ refused. He even said that he was offended and that he would never do something that selfish. 

Then the day came where he was writing his essays and sending in his test scores. It was grueling and he thought it would never end but then he remembered how TJ had written his essay on how his mom's relationship with his boyfriend would inspire his first film and he'd laugh to himself. Cyrus wrote his essay on the detrimental effects of having too many parents. 

And then Cyrus got his acceptances and rejections. He had been rejected to every school except one: Columbia University in the City of New York. He couldn't believe it. He was going to New York too. 

Andi ended up at Parsons to study design, just down the street from TJ. Buffy went somewhere in the pacific northwest where she started playing soccer. Jonah went somewhere hot and cheap, Arizona State. Walker went to Parsons with Andi and Amber decided to join the peace corps, and Marty went to CSU Long beach to learn how to surf.

Cyrus' time at Columbia was short-lived, he stayed a semester before transferring to NYU because it was arguably better for screenwriters. 

He had never told anyone, but NYU was his top choice, even before he knew TJ had applied. TJ and Cyrus spent their days eating dollar pizza and basking in New York City parks. Cyrus was finally completely happy. 

THE END!

authors note: after high school reed goes to jail for aggravated assault and lester goes to community :) lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends thx for reading!! this really is the end of let me help. i really didn't know where this chapter would go lmao but here it is!! fun fact! I actually go to nyu lmao but im not a film major or anything. but yeah thanks for reading tell me what you think on my tumblr url : frisbee-camp


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